The Seven Stages of Asperger's Syndrome: Preview

Like most who have Asperger's Syndrome, I am experiencing AS as an unfolding reality. I am starting a series about how we recognize and come to terms with the syndrome when we or someone we love discovers Asperger's.

I have given the seven stages some cryptic names. Maybe you can infer why I chose each name?

Stage One: Bliss
Stage Two: Inkling
Stage Three: Desperation
Stage Four: Dawn
Stage Five: Darkness
Stage Six: Acceptance
Stage Seven: Celebration

I'll start with some background information on stage-based processes and the Johari Window before diving in to the stages themselves. Check back for more info through January.

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More insights from the Asperger's Expert are on the main page.

Asperger's New Year's Resolutions: Part Two

5: I resolve to give myself a break when I utterly fail to follow through on my commitments. I have some distractibility and am most excited by “the new thing.” That’s part of my personality type as a visionary/innovator. I can modify it or try to moderate it, but I resolve not to wallow in it.

4: I resolve not to spend more than one hour in a funk when I don’t get my way. I tend to pout about disappointments—and I’m sure pouting doesn’t make me a better person.

3: I resolve to start more of my days connecting with God, His word, my faith, righteousness, trying to be Christlike, and trying to bear the image faithfully. I don’t think having Asperger’s give me a pass on walking in truth. I resolve to live like I believe.

2: I resolve not to take people for granted. I love my wife. I treasure my kids. I look forward to celebrating 21 years next week at our favorite restaurant. As the little ones grow up and become my adult kids, I regret time not spent and wish for some more. I have some more with my kids still at home, so I resolve not to waste it.

1: I resolve to do the next right thing. 2009 was a lousy year. All the important things ended great, but there were so many valleys along the way. We had multiple cancer scares, two major surgeries, upheaval at work and challenges at school. Plus, a third child graduated and launched into the world. There were many days when the long view was so cloudy I had to retreat to the front of my nose and just do the next right thing. I want to remember those many lessons and keep doing one right thing in a row. Some year I’ll graduate to at least two right things in a row, but for 2010 a modest resolution, well kept, is sufficient.

Happy New Year! May your 2010 be blessed and may you be a blessing to all.

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More insights from the Asperger's Expert are on the main page.

10 Asperger’s Resolutions for 2010: Part 1

10: I resolve not to freak out over the probable elimination of the term “Asperger’s Syndrome” from the DSM V. I am not Asperger’s and Asperger’s is not me. I can still be who I am with some other label.

9: I resolve to practice a new social courtesy every day for the month of January. I will greet, make eye contact, thank, indulge, ask after, tolerate, those I live and work with.

8: I resolve not to excuse my crusty behavior as an expression of AS. I control what I do, even if I can’t always control who I am.

7: I resolve to enjoy my trains. Training with my son is a pleasurable and appropriate distraction. I won’t regret the time we spend together.

6: I resolve not to resent people who are acting in their own interests. I act in my own interests all the time, so fair’s fair. If it is in someone’s interests to disagree with me, refuse me permission, correct me, etc. it isn’t necessarily personal. I resolve to get and maintain a grip.

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More insights from the Asperger's Expert are on the main page.

Not As Cold As You Think

People who have Asperger’s are often very pragmatic about social relations.

For example, I am instinctively less social than I “should” be to workers and people I meet on a temporary basis. My wife is very good about saying hello, and wishing a good day to workers in tollways and paid parking lots. I have learned from her that it is polite and well-received to add a simple “I hope your day is going well.” (I learn a lot from my wife.)

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As a pragmatist, it makes no logical sense to be solicitous toward people with whom you will have no further contact. Unless you believe in Karma or the three-fold rule, you won’t get any benefit out of the exchange.

In a world where people are reflexively polite and responsive, a person who does not engage in small talk or social niceties seems cold and unfeeling. It may be that that person is simply efficient. If you are or love someone with Asperger’s, perhaps it is worth thinking through this simple truth:

Every opportunity to be polite/social is an opportunity to practice the social skills that may someday be critical to success. The payoff may not be obvious or immediate, but it is worth it to take advantage of every learning opportunity.

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More insights from the Asperger's Expert are on the main page.