It's irritating.
I don't know what it is. It might be a person, a ticking clock, a fabric texture, a smell, or anything else that set's you off. You can't control the initial stimulus, and you can't be your best self while the irritant is present.
What to do?
A—I—A
There are at least two layers to this problem. First, the stimulus itself is a problem. The sensation or interaction is having a disproportionate impact on your ability to practice self-control. You live in a society that values self-control and in a natural world that offers all sorts of organic punishments for losing control.
Let me share some examples.
- While driving a car, bright sunlight flashes off keys or a water bottle.
- Still driving, you realize that a bee, moth, or fly is in the car with you.
- While waiting for an interview, you smell something that makes you crazy.
- At a theater, you can't shut out the ticking sound of the projector.
- While taking an important entry exam, the flickering fluorescents interfere with your concentration.
Second, your reaction to the stimulus is a problem. You can't stop thinking about it so the irritation feeds on itself in a crescendo of irritation that leads to a meltdown, shutdown, or blowup. Because you can't manage your response to the irritation you lose composure and lose the chance to perform at your best.
You can deal with both problems, but not without advance planning.
AVOID—As we get older and more autonomous, we have more choices and freedom to plan our life and times. My son is starting college next fall. He has made the decision to request an individual room in one of the dorms. This gives him a lot of interaction with the college community, but also preserves his need for an oasis of controlled environment. You might have a specific irritant that you can avoid. I struggle with bright light, especially diffused light. When I walk into a meeting, restaurant, or library I am very conscious of facing away from the brightest light in the room. I sit with my back to the window if possible and face into a dark space when I can. I wear sunglasses and a brimmed hat when I can. When driving, I sometimes put clip-on lenses over standard sunglasses to get an extra dark function. No matter what the irritant is, if you know it's coming and you can avoid it that's more than half the battle.
IGNORE—It helps to know your options. Is this irritant something you can ignore? If it's a sound, can you put in earplugs, listen to music, introduce white noise or create some appropriate sound yourself? If it's a visual stimuli, do you have the option of covering your eyes, setting up a visual barricade, or changing your direction of view? Ignoring and overriding the irritant is usually the low-cost option. Even smells and textures can be managed with some advance planning.
Most of us know our triggers, so planning strategies and having simple equipment to support ignoring is a viable strategy.
ADJUST—Strangely, the most empowering strategy for us on the spectrum is one we are most hesitant to use. Adjusting the stimulus is often simply a matter of taking the initiative to close the blinds, turn down the volume, request a different table, or ask someone to stop a behavior. The problem is that people with Asperger's have a double bind when it comes to adjusting stimuli. We don't have great intuition and social skills—especially for asking others to change their behavior. We hesitate to "impose" our preferences or "intrude" on someone else's situation. That's one reason why it's important to learn how to make requests using "I" statements. It is much more socially acceptable to say, "I can't concentrate with that music playing, could you turn it off please?" than to say, "Turn that down!" I've found that most of the time the irritating condition is not anyone's priority, it's just a status quo or mild preference.
When you have Asperger's, the world is a multiple-bogey environment filled with potential and actual irritants. How you preempt or adjust to the crazy-making stimuli can be the difference between performing at your best or losing composure and opportunities.
If you are or are raising an Aspie, teach yourself or your child to remember A—I—A
