tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58859244467128352392024-03-05T01:07:13.143-08:00Asperger's ExpertThe purpose of this blog is to collect valuable resources for educators by an educator who understands Asperger's from the inside out.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-46352165113958420242011-04-18T20:51:00.001-07:002020-02-09T19:38:44.447-08:00Can People With Aspergers be Team Players?A lot of us with Asperger's struggle in team settings. What can we do about it?<br />
<br />
We are more comfortable working as solo operators. It's not just that Aspies are iconoclasts. We tend to value things like honesty, direct speech, and literal explanations that don't always play well in group sessions.<br />
Most teams begin as pseudo-teams, a term I credit to M. Scott Peck from his book <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Different-Drum-Community-Making-Peace/dp/0684848589/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1303184391&sr=1-1">A Different Drum</a>. </em>I've written <a href="http://charterinsights.blogspot.com/2011/04/is-your-school-filled-with-pseudo-teams.html">a more detailed explanation</a> on my other blog if you care to drill down.<br />
Aspergians don't do so well on pseudoteams because we fiercely resist the game-playing and social deception that make pseudo-teams "work."<br />
Here's a summary image to explain the pseudoteam. If you have Asperger's, you might be just the person a pseudoteam needs to speak the truth and provoke the crisis that helps your group become a true team. Play on!<br />
<img alt="Anti Team Full" border="0" height="600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2LzRWSgOeKc1zLaPQ995wcF3-erECWp9uc_ghxPI3qgtzc0c1CiosAiuR7e5M0M4Z65OOyVdGlHGscxkP0vfcYyticAY05-fcDU-7SXPNNqfYn3ByFVM5UTo3VQ3ZCxVv7znwY2IeAx91/?imgmax=800" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Anti-Team Full.png" width="463" />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-40118814193693665832011-04-18T06:30:00.000-07:002020-02-09T19:38:44.199-08:00Teaching an Aspie to Drive: #3 Perceptive Driving for Safety and EfficiencyShould people with Asperger's be allowed to drive?<br />
I responded to a twitter question and had the following exchange:<br />
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<img alt="AspieDrivingTweets" border="0" height="352" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkLMmyQzV-Fymmbq8nQl1Al0ddfQIB-rrfRIzjMcnjTKplSJoDi3jBxgmqjKMZ2Thqq3bvdgH-3hvbZN4N9aLe6iJ3F5Y5yRDB-RBTwDG1iGbTEH0Hn7k1gduzI6GOorSsUkibB03FA_nB/?imgmax=800" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="AspieDrivingTweets.jpg" width="409" /><br />
<br />
So the real answer needs more than 140 characters.<br />
This is the third in a series. Read the <a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2011/04/teaching-aspie-to-drive-1-driving-with.html">first</a> and <a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2011/04/teaching-aspie-to-drive-2-driving.html">second</a> posts for context.<br />
<strong>PERCEPTIONS</strong>:<br />
<ul><li>What does a safe driver perceive?</li>
<li>What must an Aspie learn to perceive and ignore?</li>
<li>What are the cues that can help an individual with Asperger's be the safest driver on the road?</li>
</ul>Again, there are some foundational principles to observe about perceptions.<br />
<ul><li><strong>No one perceives everything</strong>. Recognizing your blind spots is key to compensating for them. Since we are not bugs, we don't have wide angle vision. There will always be significant visual information outside our field of vision. To capture all the available information, we must drive unsafely—constantly swiveling our head to make sure we don't miss anything. Driving with a swivelhead is dangerous, so we do something different. We accept the necessity of blind spots and use mirrors and quick glances to compensate. Just as a quarterback learns to check down on available receivers, a safe driver can learn to check down a series of regions. I don't suggest this is the only pattern, but a driver might adopt a rhythm of checking these zones: 1) Close in front: What's the next car doing? 2) Further out: What is traffic down the road doing? 3) Just behind: Who is following and how close are they? 4) Blind spot left: Who's approaching or passing from the fast side? 5) Blind spot right: Is there slow or pacing traffic on the right? One idea might be to use some regular feature such as a mile marker, a new song on the radio, an exit, etc. as a cue to scan through the five zones. Setting a safe routine can create both literal safety and emotional security—both of which support safe driving.</li>
</ul><ul><li><strong>Your perception is skewed</strong>. Don't rely completely on your own perception of the literal or relational environment. Drivers that seem stable and consistent one moment might change behavior abruptly and swerve to make an exit or accelerate through a gap. I don't suggest that Aspie's should drive with paranoia, but with a general distrust that they can sense everything. When driving with passengers, the Aspie driver would do well to verbalize perceptions and check in with others to see how accurate they are. It is also literally true that driving from the left side of the car makes it more difficult to judge distance to objects on the right side. As an important part of learning to drive, I had my son park next to cones, then stones, then curbs and finally cars. Each time, I had him tell me how close he was, then get out of the car to compare perception with reality. </li>
</ul><ul><li><strong>Ignoring is as important as perceiving. </strong>Since there is far too much stimuli for one person to take in, driving is partly an exercise in learning to ignore. Some unsafe practices include reading bumper stickers; scanning roadside billboards; over-focusing on directional signs; being distracted by text or images on other cars; interacting with other drivers; and interacting with passengers in ways that might be distracting. The key strategy for ignoring is to focus on what is essential to safety. This is an important strategy, and worth discussion and reinforcement. Have the learning Aspie think out loud about what to ignore and what to perceive. That will help you as the instructor calibrate their attention and focus.</li>
</ul><ul><li><strong>Be self-perceptive.</strong> Recognizing your own state is one key to safe driving. Being aware of the internal environment is as important as the external environment. Being fatigued, hungry, angry or anxious can all lead to distraction and impulsive driving. As persons with Asperger's, we are prone to being overwhelmed by internal and external stimuli. We need to stay on top of our own state so we don't get blindsided by some condition or concern. It is especially wise to recognize our troublesome states. Maybe we are at our most irritable and distractible when we're hungry or sleepy. Maybe the radio makes you crazy or low-angle sunlight is a problem. Know your weaknesses and plan accordingly.</li>
</ul><ul><li><strong>Keep driving and traveling in perspective.</strong> The consequences of unsafe driving are disproportionate to the consequences of inefficient driving. Speed kills. Lateness irritates. Keep them in perspective.</li>
</ul>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-23347970589764354952011-04-17T15:43:00.001-07:002020-02-09T19:38:43.755-08:00Can Students with Asperger's Thrive in College...<p><img style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="ASinCollege.jpg" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5L7xHFObz1CheFo0c2iv2u4JzBleIx2iAfZNI3bYTnXMnB14g7k_BoV9Sz83TUKu-KJnWXMBlnuYYWknV743-oCHuJX80y2skkeTQnEF7WtxRvG1Yh15AN5NXIQ8tRA_7cNc5b4h4y33t/?imgmax=800" border="0" alt="ASinCollege" width="600" height="180" /></p><p style="font-size:9px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">...not necessarily.</span></span></p><p style="font-size:28px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">NPR has </span></span><a href="http://www.npr.org/2011/04/13/135345982/colleges-address-autistic-students-struggles"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">a balanced article</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> on how students with Asperger's fare in higher education. They lead with a program at Colorado State University, but also mention the </span></span><a href="http://collegeautismspectrum.com/index.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">College Autism Spectrum website</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> which has some free and paid resources.</span></span></p><p style="font-size:9px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">If you are contemplating going or sending a loved Aspie to college, this is worth a look. I recommend you read the comments on the NPR article and follow some of the links provided there.</span></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-34253664696619489622011-04-16T19:34:00.001-07:002020-02-09T19:38:44.073-08:00Elves have Asperger's!<p>I'm watching the special extended version of the Two Towers with my younger NT son when I just realized—Elves have Asperger's.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><img title="Elves1.jpg" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijVKAG-NG_7CQq0ZhbEQx1qsSBlkOX3W1nXCkFwj8eG2huldP8tFYOktVtGZfs6BEiLBCeP7lWky9MD2fmbMkjzPD0ahEtcj7FdyZLc0Nal3Rg6w2r69e4wwcvkRrm9U0F_gIgDniNDzki/?imgmax=800" border="0" alt="Elves1" width="336" height="150" /><img style="float: left;" title="Elves2.jpg" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9_zyfACtQZFhXPAyGWD8rOV_qs_fXkKPsCH22MjbtTn0toQsT-PJRKjuMQdsFoy4XccaZe4pn3ljw66KxdjMJxomJQUH1psb3OSAaHzfWoHifbvZvX4ruqhUF6qr4srqOBB39w87VCAbK/?imgmax=800" border="0" alt="Elves2" width="330" height="144" /></p><ul><li style="text-align: left;">People with Asperger's have high intelligence. Elves too.</li><li>Elves are uncomfortable with physical touch. Aspies too. When the elf-lord <a class="mw-redirect" style="text-decoration: none; color: #0645ad; background-image: none; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;" title="Haldir of Lórien" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haldir_of_L%C3%B3rien">Haldir of Lórien</a> arrives, he is clearly uncomfortable with Aragorn's hug.</li><li>Elves speak with odd syntax and unusually precise vocabulary. Dr. Asperger would agree. Maybe elves are like "immortal professors."</li><li>Aspies have strong and compelling interests—bordering on obsessiveness. Doesn't Rivendell look like it was made by OCD people?</li><li>Elves are honest, loyal and literal. They don't obsess about conformity and fitting in. Aspies are the same.</li><li>Elves have strong and mystical powers. They think and fight and love with superhuman capacity. That sounds like an Aspie to me!</li></ul><p> </p><p> </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-51657683823950920042011-04-11T06:30:00.000-07:002020-02-09T19:38:44.572-08:00Teaching an Aspie to Drive: #2 Driving Protocols for Safety and Efficiency<p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Teaching an Aspie to Drive: #2 Driving Protocols for Safety and Efficiency </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I responded to a twitter question and had the following exchange:</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p><p><img style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="AspieDrivingTweets.jpg" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkLMmyQzV-Fymmbq8nQl1Al0ddfQIB-rrfRIzjMcnjTKplSJoDi3jBxgmqjKMZ2Thqq3bvdgH-3hvbZN4N9aLe6iJ3F5Y5yRDB-RBTwDG1iGbTEH0Hn7k1gduzI6GOorSsUkibB03FA_nB/?imgmax=800" border="0" alt="AspieDrivingTweets" width="409" height="352" /></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">So the real answer needs more than 140 characters.</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">This is the second in a series. </span></span><strong><a href="http://bit.ly/enoxyH"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Read the first post for context</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></strong></p><hr /><p><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">PROTOCOLS: What are the rules of the road?</span></span></strong></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">For many Aspies, passing the written driving test will be a breeze. It has limited number of objective answers and they're all available in the drivers' manual. In short, the written test shouldn't be so hard. But that's like saying that reading Emily Post is enough to guarantee relational success. It won't. Use this example to help the Aspie pre-driver keep their test-born confidence in check.</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Here are some basic protocols to help the Aspie driver be safe.</span></span></p><ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">1. Driving is not operating a predictable machine. Driving is a team sport with unpredictable humans.</span></span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">2. Driving is not an isolated behavior, it is a highly social combination of behaviors, attitudes, and communications.</span></span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">3. Driving safely depends on fluency in a language of symbols and behaviors.</span></span></li><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">4. The status quo is usually safest.</span></span></li></ul><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">To elaborate:</span></span></p><p><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Protocol 1</span></span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. We tend to think that machines are reliable, mechanical and predictable. Because driving is operating such a machine, it is reasonable to misapply mechanical rules to the experience of driving. However, the most significant variable in driving isn't the car—it's the driver. Cars don't cause accidents, people do. Since most of us with Asperger's have a pretty firm grasp on the unpredictability of humans, this approach can be a good entry to the difficulty of driving. The most important part of this protocol is to introduce and reinforce the idea that many drivers don't follow the rules. They change lanes without signaling. They run red lights. They speed, honk, swerve, stop, and cut you off without warning. Driving defensively isn't quite enough. We need to drive with a healthy slice of paranoia about the capability and character of other drivers.</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Which leads to </span></span><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">protocol 2</span></span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. Driving is highly social. You can help your learning driver by spending time alone with them in the car articulating all the behaviors you can anticipate, infer, and observe about other drivers. You can show how the speed, position, and stability of a car give you clues to the driver's intent. For example, if I am driving in left lane of a freeway and a driver enters in the lane to my right, there is a reasonable chance that the entering driver will want to merge into the fast lane. That chance increases significantly if the driver enters the freeway behind a semi truck or some other slower vehicle. If a driver enters the freeway behind a semi and starts drifting toward the lane line I can almost guarantee an imminent lane change. The combination of entering driver + behind traffic + drifting to the lane is more reliable than a turn signal.</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">So then, </span></span><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">protocol 3</span></span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> is that driving has many symbols and behaviors that comprise a web of communications.</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Many of the symbols are explicit, such as road signs, traffic signals, speed limits, turn signals, lane markings, and all of the gauges and dials in the car. Many people with Asperger's will rely too much on these explicit symbols because they are more concrete and reliable. The other set of symbols, and arguably the more important set, are implicit. Most of the implicit signals are more subtle and are context-dependent. For example, speed limits are more rigid in the presence of a marked patrol car. Drivers are more aggressive at rush hour as the traffic load slows them down. Mini-van drivers are less likely to cut you off than sports sedan pilots. In addition to all the subtle driver hints (swerving = distracted; slowing = uncertainty; sudden changes = impulsive; tailgating = impatience) there are environmental cues as well. Traffic around schools will slow down before and after school.</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Just as human interactions are governed by a multitude of subtle cues from head tilts to eye rolls, driving is enmeshed in a web of signals and symbols that must first be recognized and then correctly understood. People with Asperger's are very capable of learning to recognize implicit signals. They are less likely to interpret them correctly on the fly. That said, experience does make us better at correctly translating and responding to even implicit cues.</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Finally, </span></span><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">protocol 4</span></span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> is embrace the status quo. Think in terms of maintaining the safe circumstances. Almost any change can be dangerous. Changing speed, lanes, changing your planned route, changing the radio station, reclining the seat, drinking a soda—all these are changes, and changes are risky. When you are actually practicing behind-the-wheel, introduce imaginary crises such as, "You missed the turn!" or "There's an accident on your right!" or "A ball just bounced into the road." In most cases, the safest course of action is to slow slightly while scanning aggressively for any relevant information. Help the learning driver understand how adding change to the equation diminishes their ability to respond safely to driving dynamics.</span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p><p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p><ul></ul>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-32701921383420698492011-04-09T12:47:00.001-07:002020-02-09T19:38:28.699-08:00Asperger's Acceptance and Disclosure—What's the Difference?<p>I just read a father's <a href="http://www.babble.com/toddler/toddler-development/aspergers-in-children-with-autism-diagnosis-behaviors">perspective on acknowledging that his son has Asperger's.</a> I recommend it, as I recommend most first-person, authentic perspective about AS.</p><p>Eventually, we either spend the energy to accept and live with Asperger's, or we spend the energy to deny and live with Asperger's. Both are draining, but one drains us in partnership with the truth, and one drains us by forcing us to repress/suppress the truth.</p><p>As I detailed in my series on<a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2011/04/seven-stages-of-asperger.html"> the Seven Stages of Asperger's Awareness</a>, acceptance is a precursor to disclosure. Acceptance is telling the truth to yourself. <a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2009/05/6th-grader-with-as-advocates-for.html">Disclosure is telling the truth to others</a>. How much of the truth you tell to others should be a function of need and intimacy, but how much you tell yourself should only be limited by what you can handle.</p><p>As with many things, premature or over-disclosure can be traumatic But if you are having trouble disclosing to yourself (accepting your diagnosis) you should seek counsel with a friend, family member or professional.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-88072766607446461852011-04-09T12:32:00.001-07:002020-02-09T19:36:12.321-08:00The Seven Stages of Asperger's Awareness—Complete List<p><strong>From ignorance to embracing—accepting Asperger's is a process.</strong></p><p><strong><img style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; border: 0px initial initial;" title="Seven_Stages_Overview.jpg" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXLNAq43sDFx5x4snb0eh4ZxwyzW2OV0oEmaTjhKS5reVlPcQA2sBmliQyEH4k9Wrkyfk5AA9s2r2Ke4uGWM-NYFvvYaUlxB-88LpsWhDKYGzpGki3pWbhv_WWsa9qyjR2_sM4Yv_O4YaG/?imgmax=800" border="0" alt="Seven Stages Overview" width="320" height="136" /><br /></strong></p><p>I have received a lot of positive feedback about my series on the stages of Asperger's awareness.</p><p>Note: This is NOT Tony Atwood's four stages of diagnosis acceptance—which may not exist anyway...</p><p>Here are the 8 sections collected in one place.</p><p><a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2010/01/seven-stages-of-aspergers-awareness.html">The Seven Stages of Asperger’s Awareness: Background</a></p><p><a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2010/01/bliss-first-stage-of-aspergers.html">Bliss: The first stage of Asperger’s Awareness</a></p><p><a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2010/01/inkling-stage-two-of-aspergers.html">Inkling: Stage Two of Asperger's Awareness</a></p><p><a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2010/01/desperation-third-stage-of-aspergers.html">Desperation: The Third Stage of Asperger's Awareness</a></p><p><a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2010/01/dawn-fourth-stage-of-aspergers.html">Dawn: The Fourth Stage of Asperger's Awareness</a></p><p><a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2010/03/darkness-5th-stage-of-aspergers.html">Darkness: The 5th Stage of Asperger's Awareness</a></p><p><a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2010/04/acceptance-sixth-stage-of-aspergers.html">Acceptance: The Sixth Stage of Asperger's Awareness</a></p><p><a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2010/04/celebration-seventh-stage-of-aspergers.html">Celebration: The Seventh Stage of Asperger's Awareness</a></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-2640468928641834752011-04-04T18:22:00.001-07:002020-02-09T19:38:43.839-08:00Teaching an Aspie to Drive: #1 Driving with Purpose for Safety and Efficiency<p><span style="font-family: Optima;">Should people with Asperger's be allowed to drive?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Optima;">I responded to a twitter question and had the following exchange:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Optima;"><img style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="AspieDrivingTweets.jpg" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkLMmyQzV-Fymmbq8nQl1Al0ddfQIB-rrfRIzjMcnjTKplSJoDi3jBxgmqjKMZ2Thqq3bvdgH-3hvbZN4N9aLe6iJ3F5Y5yRDB-RBTwDG1iGbTEH0Hn7k1gduzI6GOorSsUkibB03FA_nB/?imgmax=800" border="0" alt="AspieDrivingTweets" width="409" height="352" /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Optima;">So the real answer needs more than 140 characters.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Optima;">I think I'll divide this up into 3-4 posts.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Optima;">Here's my take. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Optima;">1. People with Asperger's are people, and the default should be that they have the standard suite of rights and privileges of adults—including the privilege of driving. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Optima;">2. People with Asperger's have a complicated constellation of challenges that make driving a <em>differently</em> challenging task. I don't say harder, but there isn't really a standard I can reference. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Optima;">3. If some of the challenges for an individual with Aperger's are related to other kinds of challenges we face, then we can assess and adjust to help them be safe and confident drivers. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Optima;">4. Driving is a privilege. Driving is a privilege. Driving is a privilege. Safety earns that privilege. Unproven confidence doesn't earn the privilege. </span></p><hr /><p><span style="font-family: Optima;"><strong>PURPOSE: What is the purpose of driving?</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family: Optima;"> For some of us, driving is utilitarian. We just want to get from A back home to A safely and efficiently. For others, driving is a sports event, a statement of independence or adulthood, a personal therapy session, a time to lecture kids as a captive audience, or a form of mobile flirting. I'll bet I don't have to describe all the types of drivers for you to recognize our varying purposes. </span><br /><span style="font-family: Optima;"> For an Aspie learning to drive, the first thing I would do is define the purpose. I would limit the purpose to utilitarian transportation—both safe and efficient. Limiting the purpose let's you as the driving instructor <a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2009/07/redirecting-motivation-for-undesirable.html">put a lot of other behaviors off-cue</a>. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Optima;">Defining the purpose also helps define success. Making sure that the outcome is clearly defined and prioritized is important. Safety is vastly more important than efficiency. If you are in the wrong lane to enter an on-ramp or make a turn, efficiency would urge you to make a challenging and less-safe maneuver to keep on your preferred/efficient route. Safety says, go around, make a u-turn, recalculate the route or find a safe place to reset and recalculate. Safety is number 1-9, efficiency comes in #10 and every other purpose is really a dangerous non-purpose. </span></p><p><br /><span style="font-family: Optima;"> When teaching an Aspie to drive, use the cognitive and metacognitive abilities of the Aspie to help shape the thought process of driving to be safety oriented. For example, when teaching my son, I had him think out loud so I could hear him verbalize his observations. By affirming the safety-oriented thoughts and helping his filter out the non-safety oriented thoughts I was able to help him be more focused on safety factors and less distracted by signs, environment, cars, other drivers, etc. Helping the driver learn to ignore stimuli is critical. For an Aspie with hypervigilant senses, ignoring is more important than noticing. The Aspie will probably note everthing. The key is learning <span style="text-decoration: underline;">what</span> to notice and give extra attention.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Optima;"><span style="font-family: Optima;">In the next post I'll address some <strong>Protocols</strong> for driving safely. I'll touch on things like literal and mental blind spots, status quo as safety, and the specialized language used for communicating with other drivers.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Optima;">Stay tuned after that for posts including <strong>Perceptions</strong> and <strong>Programs.</strong></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Optima;">Safe travels!</span></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-20553701207539150152011-03-29T19:26:00.001-07:002020-02-09T19:38:43.670-08:00Avoid, Ignore, Adjust<p style="text-align: center;"><img style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="23.SeeHearSpeakNoEvil.png" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRmsdQSW2r_Q3kb_gXFLFGApfgbSjHjHW-R0zUeJ4XYS8HAWDItlHxgLUGBzuAYaeEnDrhX3pTIQs2Dp02sMwSjerZbrlLMhqr1UNkgBVIB7k0Ucy-FvepOilrd_4h1RvapLkvERmrbL42/?imgmax=800" border="0" alt="23 SeeHearSpeakNoEvil" width="200" height="132" /> image via kaykays.com</p><p>It's irritating.</p><p>I don't know what it is. It might be a person, a ticking clock, a fabric texture, a smell, or anything else that set's you off. You can't control the initial stimulus, and you can't be your best self while the irritant is present.</p><p>What to do?</p><p><span style="font-family:Helvetica;"><strong>A—I—A</strong></span></p><p>There are at least two layers to this problem. First, the stimulus itself is a problem. The sensation or interaction is having a disproportionate impact on your ability to practice self-control. You live in a society that values self-control and in a natural world that offers all sorts of organic punishments for losing control.</p><p>Let me share some examples.</p><ul><li>While driving a car, bright sunlight flashes off keys or a water bottle.</li><li>Still driving, you realize that a bee, moth, or fly is in the car with you.</li><li>While waiting for an interview, you smell something that makes you crazy. </li><li>At a theater, you can't shut out the ticking sound of the projector.</li><li>While taking an important entry exam, the flickering fluorescents interfere with your concentration.</li></ul><p>Second, your reaction to the stimulus is a problem. You can't stop thinking about it so the irritation feeds on itself in a crescendo of irritation that leads to a meltdown, shutdown, or blowup. Because you can't manage your response to the irritation you lose composure and lose the chance to perform at your best.</p><p>You can deal with both problems, but not without advance planning.</p><p><strong>AVOID</strong>—As we get older and more autonomous, we have more choices and freedom to plan our life and times. <a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2009/05/6th-grader-with-as-advocates-for.html">My son</a> is starting college next fall. He has made the decision to request an individual room in one of the dorms. This gives him a lot of interaction with the college community, but also preserves his need for an oasis of controlled environment. You might have a specific irritant that you can avoid. I struggle with bright light, especially diffused light. When I walk into a meeting, restaurant, or library I am very conscious of facing away from the brightest light in the room. I sit with my back to the window if possible and face into a dark space when I can. I wear sunglasses and a brimmed hat when I can. When driving, I sometimes put clip-on lenses over standard sunglasses to get an extra dark function. No matter what the irritant is, if you know it's coming and you can avoid it that's more than half the battle.</p><p><strong>IGNORE</strong>—It helps to know your options. Is this irritant something you can ignore? If it's a sound, can you put in earplugs, listen to music, introduce white noise or create some appropriate sound yourself? If it's a visual stimuli, do you have the option of covering your eyes, setting up a visual barricade, or changing your direction of view? Ignoring and overriding the irritant is usually the low-cost option. Even smells and textures can be managed with some advance planning.</p><p>Most of us know our triggers, so planning strategies and having simple equipment to support ignoring is a viable strategy.</p><p><strong>ADJUST—</strong>Strangely, the most empowering strategy for us on the spectrum is one we are most hesitant to use. Adjusting the stimulus is often simply a matter of taking the initiative to close the blinds, turn down the volume, request a different table, or ask someone to stop a behavior. The problem is that people with Asperger's have a double bind when it comes to adjusting stimuli. We don't have great intuition and social skills—especially for asking others to change their behavior. We hesitate to "impose" our preferences or "intrude" on someone else's situation. That's one reason why it's important to learn how to make requests using "I" statements. It is much more socially acceptable to say, "I can't concentrate with that music playing, could you turn it off please?" than to say, "Turn that down!" I've found that most of the time the irritating condition is not anyone's priority, it's just a status quo or mild preference.</p><p>When you have Asperger's, the world is a multiple-bogey environment filled with potential and actual irritants. How you preempt or adjust to the crazy-making stimuli can be the difference between performing at your best or losing composure and opportunities.</p><p>If you are or are raising an Aspie, teach yourself or your child to remember A—I—A</p><p> </p><p> </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-17357469906435507122011-02-02T09:21:00.001-08:002020-02-09T19:38:43.542-08:00Square Pegs<img style="display:block; margin-left:auto; margin-right:auto;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFbJ3kIQJnH2zIVAOxJjMaFVxMB1Uk3022HmVhD1DlL8_qy9dMBGU6Hl0BLkiyzbtIxVmRZcjm0AL1awnjjO9W_HuoZ2SxmwD43wGiHlQobrSzwIavNE4FDnbbHVLTk-27Ls1wLpEkU_eZ/?imgmax=800" alt="large-go-button.jpg" title="large-go-button.jpg" border="0" width="350" height="292" /><br /><br />I got expelled from seminary.<br /><br />To be accurate, I was gently encouraged to leave.<br />I didn't do anything wrong; and neither did the seminary.<br /><br />I had already been teaching for awhile, but there was a splinter in my brain (that sounded a lot like my mother :-) insisting that I should be a pastor.<br />After a year of study, several theology classes and a mind-numbing sojourn into Koine Greek, I sat down with my advisor. He talked me through a set of interest inventories I had completed. He asked me pointed questions about my heart for different aspects of ministry.<br /><br />Near the end of our conversation, he said, "Peter—you should not be a pastor. God has made you a teacher. Go and teach well."<br /><br />I have learned a lot since that conversation in 1991. Mostly I have learned to retroactively appreciate the gracious release from a dream that wasn't really mine. I've learned that I was built to lead through challenging, questioning, explaining and inspiring. Those could have been good pastor-teacher qualities, but I lacked the nurturing, comforting, and caring impulses that make the best pastors minister effectively.<br /><br />A lot of our students need someone to pull the college splinter from their brain.<br />A lot of our students need to be told graciously and lovingly that "college is a round hole and you are a beautiful trapezoid. Go be a chef, a designer, a builder, a painter. Harvest lumber, care for children, build a life with your hands and your heart. Let the people who live in their heads thrive at college. You go and live in the world of people and things."<br /><br />A <a href="http://www.edweek.org/ew/articles/2011/02/02/20career.h30.html?tkn=OWMFU1bwfubQOCZnehX6AobqxQVe5xc%2BUyQG&cmp=clp-edweek">new report from Harvard University</a> backs me up.<br />Let's expel students from the falsely universal expectations of college <a href="http://charterinsights.blogspot.com/2011/01/destructive-diplomasand-what-to-do.html">and some high school programs</a> as well.<br />Let's release them to a different kind of greatness.<br /><br /><br /><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-54911541857667220612011-01-10T20:16:00.000-08:002020-02-09T19:38:44.615-08:00Eat like an Aspie<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">As a child, there were some foods I could not eat. I wasn't stubborn. In fact, I was fairly adventurous, but some foods were inedible because of texture or taste quirks. For example, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">I remember cheese being very hard to eat, especially the overly smooth texture of processed cheese. (I still consider Velveeta, Spam, and Miracle Whip the unholy trinity of food-like products.)</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">Anyway, if you are raising an Aspie like me, you might appreciate some practical tips from the Happy Housewife. Although not directed towards those who manage spectravores, it does have some smart and specific tips for making it through the food wars.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">Check out </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(76, 132, 154); line-height: 30px; "><a href="http://thehappyhousewife.com/cooking/picky-eaters-ebook/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">The Happy Housewife’s Guide to Dealing with Picky Eaters:</span></span></a></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-33321534181916889952010-12-30T17:29:00.000-08:002020-02-09T19:38:44.031-08:00Will I have Asperger's in heaven? Yes.<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuqXc4SmwvcQUnT7e9TRFVyGQYuqoW3C4UcQRUsQBiDspozhKv7io9AkjNGWuWEybUOoDWDOWqzFMTitShxCqjkncseHJrtLMs2limD0mP35R1aUeDTDO_N_f0VYU5QoqbaUVMay1C4op0/s1600/heaven.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 230px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuqXc4SmwvcQUnT7e9TRFVyGQYuqoW3C4UcQRUsQBiDspozhKv7io9AkjNGWuWEybUOoDWDOWqzFMTitShxCqjkncseHJrtLMs2limD0mP35R1aUeDTDO_N_f0VYU5QoqbaUVMay1C4op0/s320/heaven.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5556653865808235698" /></a></div><!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Optima;"></span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Optima;"><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">I had a little fun with this question recently by polling several Aspies and their parents. I left the question closed—as a yes-no question. That didn't stop anyone from answering with gusto and applying the answer to their own experience.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima; min-height: 21.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">Not surprisingly, the trend was that parents experienced Aspergers as a condition/disability that will go away, while Aspies themselves see Aspergers as something that is part of their identity.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima; min-height: 21.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima"><b>Background:</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">I am a Christian believer in the historical, biblical tradition. I am part of a congregation in the Evangelical Covenant Church which means I affirm basic tenets of Christianity including: </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima; min-height: 21.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">I believe:</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima; min-height: 21.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•There is an eternal, relational God existing in three co-equal persons—Father, Son, & Spirit.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•God is the standard for morality.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•All humans fall short of God's standard—we call this deficit sin.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•The gap between God's standard and human sinful behavior separates us from God.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•We can't bridge the gap through our own effort or righteousness.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•God offered a bridge in the person of his own son Jesus.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•Jesus is both a real historical person and a divine person of the triune god.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•Jesus willingly accepted responsibility for my sin and yours, dying a substitutionary, sacrificial death by execution on a cross.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•God the Father raised His Son from true physical death—adding "Savior" to his eternal title as Lord of the Universe.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•As Lord and Savior, Jesus' death and resurrection broke the power of sin and death.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•In his sacrifice, Jesus offers each of us individual salvation that can restore us to a right relationship with God.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•Because God loves us and grants us true free will, salvation is not mandatory—we can accept it or reject it.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•Following his resurrection and ascension, Jesus sent a third person of the trinity—the Holy Spirit—to give us power to live in relationship with God.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•Accepting Jesus' offer of salvation is the way to experience eternity in God's presence—what Jesus called "paradise" in his words to the thief who was crucified with Him.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•What Jesus called paradise we commonly call heaven. It is the time/place/condition of eternal fellowship with a personal God and fellow saved believers.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">•The doors to heaven are open to all, but God sets the conditions for admittance. His condition is acceptance and commitment to Jesus the Christ.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima; min-height: 21.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">As I understand them, these beliefs are an important part of the good news that Christians call the gospel. I am probably leaving some things out, but in order to understand what I say about heaven you need to know what I mean.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima; min-height: 21.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima"><b>Implications:</b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">The list above is more doctrinal. Here are several implied or practical believes.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima; min-height: 21.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">Truth is truth. Even if you disagree with every doctrinal point I made above, you may find some insightful truth about Asperger's Syndrome on this blog. I trust my expression of personal faith will not disqualify me in your eyes, but I take that risk willingly.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima; min-height: 21.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">Asperger's is no respecter of faith. Being a Christian, Muslim, _________________, doesn't exempt or subject you to Asperger's any more than faith protects you from an earthquake. "The rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous alike."</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima; min-height: 21.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">So, "Will I have Asperger's in Heaven?" demands a very granular response. I would expect a wide range of answers from my Buddhist, Catholic, Muslim, Atheist, and other friends—just as I hear a wide range of answers within my congregation and family. My answer is only my answer. My wife and son don't agree with me on all points. <strong>We are—none of us—monolithic.</strong></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima; min-height: 21.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima"><b>Conclusion:</b></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">My answer is yes. I will have Asperger's in heaven.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima; min-height: 21.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">There are aspects of Asperger's that help me relate to others and to God. My personal theology is that those elements will persist into eternity. The aspects of Asperger’s that draw me toward temptation and sin may still be present, but in some way I can’t yet understand, I will have the ability to live in complete harmony with my God and his holiness.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima; min-height: 21.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">God doesn’t make mistakes. I have a more complex and undeveloped theology of disability than I can articulate here, but the essence is that we are living in a tiny slice of eternity. What happens now may not seem to have any purpose, but everything we experience has eternal value. We just can’t see it yet.</p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima; min-height: 21.0px"><br /></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 17.0px Optima">In my own brittle, impatient, Asperger’s way, I can’t wait to understand it all.</p><div><br /></div></span><p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-20390411417971285122010-04-29T21:03:00.000-07:002020-02-09T19:38:43.628-08:00Celebration: The Seventh Stage of Asperger's Awareness<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqdN66syAhyY2F-EvL2V-GvMhahRYojJDqmMv6ydtCs3C63ci5YZsd-bM6GuoXemgY9oTQ63p3-X1iUrenS4_vlS-u1HubM0Lvx6972BcHgNCX6y7Hje1zG034BV31wefbtqwhY7S18pP2/s1600/Celebration-Esteem.jpg"></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Celebration:</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGNRH9tiMudoKieszARskV7wUhpfOhQ4pJBiFHBEOG4LHxiOy5MjndA3PcTIZK6xT6POZJ0fbNJD5lhQod6q0RZZCIZgQIW823MpSd4yZMl1pIdLtZRkXPf2SXeheqEpazLBaqc5nlpeoC/s1600/AS_Awareness_Stage_7.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 238px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGNRH9tiMudoKieszARskV7wUhpfOhQ4pJBiFHBEOG4LHxiOy5MjndA3PcTIZK6xT6POZJ0fbNJD5lhQod6q0RZZCIZgQIW823MpSd4yZMl1pIdLtZRkXPf2SXeheqEpazLBaqc5nlpeoC/s320/AS_Awareness_Stage_7.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5465776876587323634" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;font-size:medium;">Can it be? Can a person with a neurological [disorder] like Asperger’s [syndrome] really celebrate their [infirmity]? I can. I do. So do others. When I wrote a post about my son disclosing his Asperger’s, he was excited—not embarrassed. When dozens of great bloggers choose to reveal their membership in the Asperger’s nation, they are not ashamed. We may be defensive, defiant, or overly zealous about our identity, but we are not ashamed of the truth. We are smart enough, secure enough, and gosh darn it—some people like us.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Learning to celebrate yourself is part of healthy human—spirituality, psychology and sociability. Whether in response to Asperger’s or something else, the seeds of self-acceptance yield the fruit of celebration. It is hard to live apart from the herd, for isolation is stressful. The laughter and casual affirmation of personhood is a balm to a wounded soul. When denied that social salve, we with Asperger’s can get cranky, dark, and dangerous. We are more likely to harm ourselves than others, but harm we do.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Celebration is the stage of surging up from self-acceptance to self-appreciation. From the steady breeze of acceptance blow gusts of celebration. We optimize the files at work, find the elusive bug in the software or design the perfect flow chart. We are valued, and we add value. That’s worth celebrating. In our Asperger’s we find an identity, not a disability. It is part of who we are; so after the darkness and emerging acceptance we celebrate our syndrome as part of embracing our undivided self. If you have ever fallen asleep with a sense of satisfaction—knowing you have observed, solved or created something new—then you are living in stage seven. Your celebration may be ever so private, but it is celebration all the same. Thank you. By accepting and embracing yourself, you accept and embrace all the citizens of Aspergia.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOroqieYZNH7SZSgDDa7sQBwyGIWSrT0GcH0C1M_I1TctT6TmHZD-WO2rHEW-kxYvRXAvUTwUmeI-RStSdKCmdS8ESckWNZvZeKJgQba8voGw1nqQjPex19Dtd4RzkV3FoxIRrpbop5glz/s320/AS_Johari_7.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5465776885956837602" style="float: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 301px; " /></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">With celebration we gain a thicker skin and more energy for introspection. Freed from the dangers of darkness, we can explore our motivations and abilities without fear. The window of our blindness shrinks even more. With confidence and the courage of celebration, we come out to the world and our public sphere expands again. We speak, write, blog, and act on our behalf. We tell our story—if only to ourselves. But when we share with others, they respond to our new-found confidence and share back. That shrinks our hidden zone as well. The stage of celebration is good for our psychological development. It makes us better people and better friends.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqdN66syAhyY2F-EvL2V-GvMhahRYojJDqmMv6ydtCs3C63ci5YZsd-bM6GuoXemgY9oTQ63p3-X1iUrenS4_vlS-u1HubM0Lvx6972BcHgNCX6y7Hje1zG034BV31wefbtqwhY7S18pP2/s320/Celebration-Esteem.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5465776896049609650" style="float: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 65px; " /></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">As you might expect, celebration represents a restoration of appropriate self-esteem. The grid above needs another dimension; because the esteem of celebration is not the saccharine high of dawn. It is a steady faith in our own goodness and value. It is just as high, but it is far more deep.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">If you love, serve, or are someone with Asperger’s Syndrome I applaud you. You are valuable and worth celebration. You deserve the love you get.</span></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-66027438312783574452010-04-18T16:11:00.000-07:002020-02-09T19:38:28.831-08:00Acceptance: The Sixth Stage of Asperger's Awareness<div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-qA4zpFrbAFYYdl0_O02-4I4B2qtKWL55XPnwDbK9JFoFDcv8K851Oc_tu4uwkfk_nAaq5hxTN4akrab_58kO6NYSy_3tg7pEdBxh-LG0IGXGDJYGcm8fwVeu4RXBBvt2on3OZ5Wy5Vk9/s1600/AS_Awareness_Stage_6.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: 'trebuchet ms', serif; -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; ">Acceptance</span></a></span></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-qA4zpFrbAFYYdl0_O02-4I4B2qtKWL55XPnwDbK9JFoFDcv8K851Oc_tu4uwkfk_nAaq5hxTN4akrab_58kO6NYSy_3tg7pEdBxh-LG0IGXGDJYGcm8fwVeu4RXBBvt2on3OZ5Wy5Vk9/s320/AS_Awareness_Stage_6.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461620700684007906" style="text-align: left;display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 238px; " /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The transition from darkness to acceptance is one of the least discernible shifts in Asperger’s Awareness. Darkness can be so painful that the subject and his/her family go numb in response. Given the options, numb is better than further harm, but it can slow down the process through to a healthy integration of Asperger’s into all aspect of identity. For some, acceptance is the terminal stage of Asperger’s awareness. It is a reasonable and manageable state of affairs, even if it misses some of the psychological and personal benefits of celebration.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Unlike some of the earlier stages, acceptance is a steady state. The shock of being “other” is balanced with knowledge about what Asperger’s is and how it works. The tension of living in the general population is a known, and the last spasms of darkness mellow into a stable, functioning system. Acceptance is not necessarily positive. It can be tinged with resentment and a permanent sense of bitterness or resignation. Acceptance is better than the alternatives though, precisely because it is predictable and static. The pain and negativity of Asperger’s may be profound, but since they are known quantities, the Aspie and loved ones can build and reinforce coping mechanisms. Not all mechanisms are equally desirable, and surely some Aspies develop dysfunctional patterns, but they are at least stable. In fact, the stability of acceptance is what makes celebration possible and begins to guard against a regression in to darkness.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> There is no single JoHari configuration that captures the acceptance stage, but there are several patterns. Unlike the unrestrained disclosure that often accompanies dawn, those in the acceptance stage are more reflective about when and to whom they disclose Asperger’s. They don’t try to hide the syndrome, but they may set boundaries to protect their privacy and ensure appropriate disclosure.</span></span></o:p></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtF4gCfeydGIVZ1AJ4cZVH4Mbwzc3T-Dy2w6naJ3f4tQ357NgMaPS-ONIqPUYKpAPPL7rJU1rdrPZoDWLYmmVfh1mbjOtJYPgLf1a9STUdb2dDU23Jyqm2mwsjxu9BVDPKwh08P_0FjSCg/s320/AS_Johari_6.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461620696553000866" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 274px; " /></span><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"></span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">In general, those in the acceptance stage have increased their own self-knowledge. This leads to a large public arena, but may also stimulate a reconsideration of what should remain private. Part of the stability of acceptance is managing the message. Some with Asperger’s develop a short script they can use to identify the syndrome to others.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">During acceptance—which may last a lifetime—both Aspies and those who love them experience an uptick in self-esteem. Rather than denigrating their self-identity because of the Asperger’s, they tend to upgrade their description of the syndrome to match the level of personal esteem.</span></span></o:p></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrdWmz5dJiExravZaVYDeHjK7PTMOgItQGNWXBrVXBMjmPCCfATF7jkss0D3qDfaEftNj_dEKt-fvPVqWqWjDaLo2v7hbENgMbljrqhHQF-FTQJnZSObM9B0MghSKQt-pua7h2o9Jx2KlB/s320/Acceptance-Esteem.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461620691778084722" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 112px; " /></span><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Esteem is a tricky thing in any case, but Aspergers complicates the issue because some of the tools that normally construct our self-concept are missing or low-functioning. Many neurotypicals generate a sense of their self-worth by reading how people respond to them. They track affirmation and correction (usually subtle) and build a self-concept from those inputs. Self-esteem is a dynamic idea, with daily and relational fluctuations. Some situations and people bring us down, and others bring us back up. For a person with Asperger’s, many of the cues and signals that feed the self-esteem machine are inscrutable. Consequently, a person who finally accepts Asperger’s may regress to behaviors that they tried to avoid earlier in the process. For example, an Aspie who learns that wearing a variety of clothing is socially normal might decide, as part of accepting her Asperger’s, to wear what she likes. This could lead to some social distancing—and that might be okay. In acceptance, the level of self-esteem is not typically as high as during ignorance, but it is much more informed. The esteem of one who accepts Asperger’s is much more complex, but that complexity is precisely what makes possible the final stage: celebration.</span></span></o:p></p></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">________________________<br /></span></span><a href="http://is.gd/22dja"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">More insights from the Asperger's Expert are on the main page.</span></span></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-58470344140765308642010-03-01T10:59:00.000-08:002020-02-09T19:38:44.740-08:00Darkness: The 5th Stage of Asperger's Awareness<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-weight: bold; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Darkness:</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbVSJxpVE0Cl2MoPBAF3hfArrIKtahqgywO5A2KMh2jrwKn5HSz7wePgl8_qWgwmqpAOptwAf914czK0PmbNTTBHb-T9cI75kZjmVWmo0FkYfwSkcTkAJhaGzpE3htTIQTzV0G0aojwNsz/s400/AS_Awareness_Stage_5.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5443742762433350338" style="float: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 297px; " /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRYBAx5Z259YeBzN7LrOGdJ1FcA9_T6Icf6jywWXsObDJx8RxucvyC1VFuO7P3U2NQ3IogNQTGoFNoxsxX_MFSOtAuYj4R1ob_3id3C_kybK8Z5oWvyjC5wTYAxcdRlQ5Af4aCD_c3pWqf/s1600-h/Darkness-Esteem.jpg"></a><br /></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">After the journey from ignorance to awareness, stage five feels like a regression. Rather than the burst of insight and support that emerges during dawn, darkness is a flood of realistic pessimism. The first response to all the books, websites, and support groups is grateful relief. The second reading and beyond is more discouraging. Delving deeper into the Asperger’s community reveals a universe of pain, awkwardness, and depression. Asperger’s is hard, unrelenting, and irreversible. At first, Pervasive Developmental Disability is just a category. Now, “pervasive” lands like a curse. That means it won’t go away.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">To achieve some sort of stable integration, the person with Asperger’s will need to accept and ultimately embrace the condition. In darkness, that acceptance is still a future reality. In dawn, we have enough information to be encouraged. In darkness, we have enough information to be depressed. And depression is more than a casual description. Especially for adolescents, undiagnosed depression is a risky condition. There is no question that individuals with Asperger’s are more likely than the general population to experience other mental health challenges, including obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression. The technical term for this relationship is “comorbid” which has nasty overtones in relation to suicide. The problem with a blanket statement about suicide and Asperger’s is that diagnostic criteria for Asperger’s are not universally accepted. That makes it tough to make a clear statistical case connecting the two. However, a short tour through WrongPlanet.net or most Asperger’s blogs will reveal anecdotal support for the idea that teenagers with Asperger’s are at elevated risk for suicide.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Since this isn’t formal research or a clinical study, I simply recommend that parents, friends, and those of us with AS be more careful about mental health issues. Understanding how suicide progresses from contemplation through ideation to action can give parents and others some strategies to intervene and break up the suicidal progression. From the perspective of personality disclosure, darkness is a contraction from the openness of dawn. As information and predications about the syndrome become overwhelming, the most natural response is to pull back and close ranks. The openness and invitational spirit of dawn are banished—replaced with less introspection, more denial, less disclosure, and more hiding.</span></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcmRjmWkxSQ06WnMRsmqJZtQfC1-LNATR1dp9hHfom_-YFLuitjYgIJpV3ZBy3o5RqZBHBzZBjqpoZlycZ1-cfZChPzVn_O8zf3yoLmnYWsCsJ0CK2meVnkAy54g9owVLEkJo2sRXe9YwN/s400/AS_Johari_5.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5443742777758596210" style="float: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 377px; " /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The impulse to draw back from the syndrome is reasonable, protective and wrong. Darkness is best handled in community—not isolation. But the Asperger’s community is a constant reminder of the Asperger’s condition. In a pattern somewhat similar to racial self-hatred, those who are bound up in the darkness of Asperger’s may intentionally avoid contact and association with other Aspies. Call it a form of denial by selective socialization. Whatever the impulse, darkness draws the Aspie deeper into isolation and decline.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRYBAx5Z259YeBzN7LrOGdJ1FcA9_T6Icf6jywWXsObDJx8RxucvyC1VFuO7P3U2NQ3IogNQTGoFNoxsxX_MFSOtAuYj4R1ob_3id3C_kybK8Z5oWvyjC5wTYAxcdRlQ5Af4aCD_c3pWqf/s400/Darkness-Esteem.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5443742784117306770" style="float: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 140px; " /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Asperger’s misery does not love company, but the depression cause by Asperger’s is best addressed with activity and community. Unfortunately, the dip in self-image and optimism directly inhibits any action to get out and connect with others. This creates an emotional gravity well that traps the Aspie, family and friends in permanent darkness. What to do? (Hint: Prepare for darkness before it comes…)</span></span></p></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">_________________________<br /></span></span><a href="http://is.gd/22dja"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">More insights from the Asperger's Expert are on the main page.</span></span></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-54982591325884003712010-01-20T19:45:00.000-08:002020-02-09T19:38:28.744-08:00Dawn: The Fourth Stage of Asperger's Awareness<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">DAWN:</span></span><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieyVs9Vw2gxxah-zEiM7fAfsg0gMhtnay84tL0NXjWi-3TZLvSKRZekhYnC6gvIY1u3hz9BPq_rSLRiRPey_-6RnUPsdT5xLbVu_Vw_037-BCtVBuMziSoqq-2AEAQXyPVeZUemZKcUrtP/s1600-h/AS_Awareness_Stage_4.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 297px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieyVs9Vw2gxxah-zEiM7fAfsg0gMhtnay84tL0NXjWi-3TZLvSKRZekhYnC6gvIY1u3hz9BPq_rSLRiRPey_-6RnUPsdT5xLbVu_Vw_037-BCtVBuMziSoqq-2AEAQXyPVeZUemZKcUrtP/s400/AS_Awareness_Stage_4.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429036340072860466" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I’ve spent a few dozen nights under the stars, as </span><a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2009/12/ghandi-on-fishing-boat.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">a fisherman in Alaska</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> and an avid camper in all sorts of places. One thing I’ve learned is that spending a long cold night outside makes you appreciate dawn all the more. So too, a season of </span><a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2010/01/desperation-third-stage-of-aspergers.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">desperation</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> makes an Asperger’s diagnosis feel like a welcome sunrise breaking over the horizon.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Through a combination of poor planning and excessive ambition, I have hiked, boated, biked and driven into the dark before making camp. I love waking up to see the campsite and scenery for the first time. Discovering Asperger’s felt just like that for me. I’d been living at Camp Asperger’s for years but couldn’t see the scenery.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">When we with Asperger’s discover our diagnosis, we experience relief, satisfaction, and a perverse sense of vindication. We’d known for a while that we were different, but now we know why and how. Ahhh and Aha! We are ushered into a community of social nomads, and escape from the wasteland of arbitrary anxiety. Dawn rocks. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">(So much of the stage of dawn is personal and emotional, I’m going to complete this blog in the first person plural. Please indulge me—I know I don't speak for all Aspies—and let me come back around to a more detached voice another time.)</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">By the light of our Asperger’s revelation, we start to read. We read people. We read books. We read blogs. We discover that our Asperger’s family has </span><a href="http://www.grandin.com/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">wise parents</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, </span><a href="http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Eddie Haskel-like self-promoters</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, </span><a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/my-life-aspergers"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">celebrities</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, and a </span><a href="wrongplanet.net/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">planetary reach</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">—even if it is the wrong planet. We read wiki’s and forums and discussion boards galore. Some of us </span><a href="http://twitter.com/aspergersexpert"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">tweet</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. And retweet (please). There’s a very good chance that most of the people finding this site through a search engine are living in the dawn. To some of us, discovering Asperger’s is like finding out that there are others who speak the language we thought we’d made up. It is like grieving the loss of our twin speech sibling (See the movie </span><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110638/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Nell</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> if you don’t get this reference) and then finding out we are really triplets or quadruplets or more! Dawn rocks again.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I don’t know how this works exactly, but the dawn of Asperger’s is a simultaneous offloading—of the imposed labels of “freak” and “oddball”—while shouldering the mantle of Asperger’s. We Aspies may be different, but we are not alone. We are not the only one. We are a I.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', serif; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">"I'm 33 for a moment</span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Still the man, but you see I'm a they"</span></div></span><p></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">(</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold; "><a href="http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/100-years-single/id187457319"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Five For Fighting - </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">100 Years</span></i></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">)</span></span></span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The dawn of Asperger’s awareness is a curious place for Johari’s window. What was blind to us moves decisively and dramatically into the public arena. Then, we slide a bit of that information into the hidden pane. We learn that we are Asperger, and some of what that means. But we also learn that some of our nature is best kept to ourselves. We look around the community of Aspies and see a few relatives we might rather keep secret.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; font-family:Georgia, serif;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKyOHJLmsmZXMhwcSKtlQpR13nB4JIv9Li4_1O6SRUnZ2EdoJzrtZH3l5xwHdI87a533lCxq7uraum3QX6E3ErZR_ciQVUSZem6VZY2mmwsk9G194dGojzp5qR6cs45EsL9GpFR0nGbRZM/s400/AS_Johari_4.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429035439306685218" style="float: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; cursor: pointer; width: 389px; height: 367px; " /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Georgia, serif;color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Georgia, serif;color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Georgia, serif;color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Georgia, serif;color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Georgia, serif;color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Georgia, serif;color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">At the same time, we find out that there are other Aspies, parents, teachers, and friends who have been waiting to welcome and support us. By discovering Asperger’s and stepping into the public realm, we gain access to all sorts of communities, support groups, connections and resources. (Check the right sidebar) By the light of the dawn, we feel better and more optimistic. Dawn connects us to others. Dawn rocks; and dawn rolls on.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Georgia, serif;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd86l_ijreGzC7yW8kql2GLGo1WZjPD82RNgi0Mxdy_oSCOdKTjTEbd8wJNhyKUHVOx_WvVqobz6cUb6MloClzVGwvfuFTNq-9bA-46QP8ZuOgTa3BBF3vhEbQLPmkpKE4002OQ7YnffjZ/s400/Dawn-Esteem.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429035441647899346" style="float: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 81px; " /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Knowing we cannot be banished to solitude ever again helps us feel better about ourselves. Both we with Asperger’s and the parents who love us feel better about ourselves. We should. Dawn is a needed respite in the stages of awareness. Breathe deeply and relax. Dawn is great, but dark days follow. In a way, the sun slips back below the horizon and all that is found seems lost again. Before midday, darkness will eclipse the dawn.</span></span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">_________________________<br /></span></span><a href="http://is.gd/22dja"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">More insights from the Asperger's Expert are on the main page.</span></span></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-71191696806616525292010-01-10T18:37:00.000-08:002020-02-09T19:38:44.952-08:00Desperation: The Third Stage of Asperger's Awareness<div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', serif; font-size: medium; font-weight: bold; ">DESPERATION:</span></div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT89F8qWx6wMcJv-maAPFtB97jK5o9yI5ztSCk5cOTzHG9Ns23Zt7zmDS4OvwAf7P1JvyxLLhky6NJtegNatk28f8o8YVvvRjWJSJj2xuzXJSwIm5zlkeipPqjppwoy0ibDR2cm265imkG/s1600-h/AS_Awareness_Stage_3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 297px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT89F8qWx6wMcJv-maAPFtB97jK5o9yI5ztSCk5cOTzHG9Ns23Zt7zmDS4OvwAf7P1JvyxLLhky6NJtegNatk28f8o8YVvvRjWJSJj2xuzXJSwIm5zlkeipPqjppwoy0ibDR2cm265imkG/s400/AS_Awareness_Stage_3.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5425306907807802434" /></a><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', serif; font-size: medium; ">Though <a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2010/01/bliss-first-stage-of-aspergers.html">ignorance is bliss</a> and <a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2010/01/inkling-stage-two-of-aspergers.html">inkling</a> is promising, there is a dip of desperation before dawn breaks. The stage of desperation is the time when we know enough to be disturbed, but not enough to take action. Sadly, desperation is not the bottom—that comes later…</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">In desperation, parents move from suspicion to certainty. Rather than wondering if their child is really different, parents begin to catalog and investigate those differences. Since most of the differences are problematic, parents are usually investigating as a matter of self-defense. (Nobody gets hot and troubled trying to “solve” musical talent or prodigious intellect.) Those suffering from what I call Asparent’s Syndrome are more likely to need support and understanding.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">In our family, we entered desperation on the first Friday of our son’s first-grade year. Before he went to school, my wife contacted his new teacher and informed her about some of David’s “different” behaviors. Mrs. S., who has since become a dear family friend, responded to my wife and said, “I see what you mean.” The teacher gave us external confirmation that we weren’t imagining things. While it verified our sanity, it also drove us straight into desperation. I can draw a direct line from that Friday message to the day an IEP team determined that David was on the Autism Spectrum. The period between validation and diagnosis was a fearful and desperate time. But it helped us along the way toward <a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2009/05/6th-grader-with-as-advocates-for.html">a better day.</a></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">For parents, fear escalates along with certainty and clarity. For the subject, the path through desperation may look different. To some degree, the subject with Asperger’s is not as motivated to figure out what’s up, but how to get along. As Temple Grandin has famously observed, the child with Autism/Asperger’s must learn how to imitate proper human behavior. Thus, the child’s focus (or teen’s, or adult’s) is less about labeling the condition, and more about learning to live with it. For me, as a child with Asperger’s, I didn’t care </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">what </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I was. I just knew I was me, and that parts of me were unacceptable. I didn’t have enough ego development to reflect on how different I was from the norm. Instead, I learned (very imperfectly) to suppress the parts of me that seemed to provoke ridicule and hostility. I also tried (very clumsily) to accentuate the parts of me that earned praise and acceptance. The result, common to many with Asperger’s, is the emergence of a survival system of masks and façades and the practice of rapid identity switching. Some with Asperger’s are better than others, but all of us expend tremendous energy trying to cope. It is hard and desperately so, but it is a desperation for </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">doing</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> rather than the desperation for </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">knowing</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> common to our Asparents.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">In the season of desperation, knowledge about the symptoms moves completely out of the hidden quadrant and across the blind and public arenas. As parents seek answers, they talk with the child—which makes it clear that the behaviors are under observation. At least within the family domain, desperation is public.</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1WFuqpls7MXNI2pwp5A05YUX7-U8VU2oQXWmG5JZSJEZgKq6U8PW3Ijffjoiz-Yxu0wciJ3SYWclcEVrNZ78r1rWcjMEnBcXuaagWgAJZTXRwfVfCh2T0ylEkgB_DOPzow_mJ8E_yvu_P/s1600-h/AS_Johari_3.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1WFuqpls7MXNI2pwp5A05YUX7-U8VU2oQXWmG5JZSJEZgKq6U8PW3Ijffjoiz-Yxu0wciJ3SYWclcEVrNZ78r1rWcjMEnBcXuaagWgAJZTXRwfVfCh2T0ylEkgB_DOPzow_mJ8E_yvu_P/s400/AS_Johari_3.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5425306912053488882" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 389px; height: 367px; " /></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Some aspects of how people—even parents—perceive Asperger’s behaviors may remain unknown to the subject, so desperation is an appropriate time for parents to provide gentle and caring feedback. This feedback should </span></span><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">not</span></span></u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> take the form of demands, accusations, and ultimatums. Instead, parents might choose an inquiry approach. Asking a child to compare his or her behaviors with peers in similar situations is a non-judgmental way to begin identifying and discussing non-standard behaviors. </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The reason parents must be careful and protective during this stage is because the child’s sense of difference is now an open issue and has negative impacts on self-concept and self-esteem.</span></span></span></p> <span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtNW7tYjEKgVFNBWLoeCfTYR23BBL_uGCwnQkmndloz09DNx_PnPzdEnQMFDktXUBgGHx96EhBaYfF2X4HEhDLW9FRMu4U-mx4wuqZ5ZAJ8on8lhz4KmftOsOJMpkAwBS5TVZEKMG_Xsgy/s400/Desperation-Esteem.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5425306918655479394" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 81px; " /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Desperation can be a brief season, but it is real and necessary because it drives the discovery and diagnosis that begins a walk into the light. Fortunately, that light is coming.</span></span></span><!--EndFragment--><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /><br />_________________________<br /></span></span><a href="http://is.gd/22dja"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">More insights from the Asperger's Expert are on the main page.</span></span></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-78461876267346958562010-01-06T20:22:00.000-08:002020-02-09T19:38:45.076-08:00Inkling: Stage Two of Asperger's Awareness<div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">INKLING</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5T4XsDODrC1pc3JzwC1VmOn7-Ajo7B40McYxTo5Zq0EktJ_Sid-ld7n9aSN8vdSQMDPimOKj0UmkzIFIIAlsmhgl0i1eNuZiG_KcN4MFrYvHT0WgIBtakV1a9bxOrDnBQlXG0I-n-bzdO/s1600-h/AS_Awareness_Stage_2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 295px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5T4XsDODrC1pc3JzwC1VmOn7-Ajo7B40McYxTo5Zq0EktJ_Sid-ld7n9aSN8vdSQMDPimOKj0UmkzIFIIAlsmhgl0i1eNuZiG_KcN4MFrYvHT0WgIBtakV1a9bxOrDnBQlXG0I-n-bzdO/s400/AS_Awareness_Stage_2.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423851243208823298" /></a><div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The path from <a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2010/01/bliss-first-stage-of-aspergers.html">ignorance</a> to awareness is not well marked. There are few mileposts or road signs along the way and it can be hard to discern movement from one stage to another. Everyone exits the stage of blissful ignorance at a different place in a different way. A mother may have a blind spot about her child because she is accustomed to some idiosyncratic behaviors, while a father may see those behaviors and mirror or <a href="http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Asperger_Syndrome/forum/2592685-son-might-have-aspergers">deny them</a>. Sometimes it takes an outsider to encounter the behavior and immediately place it outside the range of typical.</span></span></div><div> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">In other cases, the intimacy of self or parent observation leads to early detection and recognition of Asperger’s symptoms, well before the syndrome is named and researched. As one parent commented on my <a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2010/01/bliss-first-stage-of-aspergers.html">Stage One post</a>, “I had an awareness from birth…that something was up.” For a parent—often a mom—who is investing massive amounts of intimate time in her child, subtle symptoms like eye contact, muscle tone, distractibility, and even some aspect of how a baby rests (or doesn’t) in her arms can be an early indicator. Though they don’t all have Asperger’s, I have learned that my instinctive recognition that a child is getting sick is usually correct. There is some combination of breath odor, skin “feel” and a general subdued attitude that always precedes a heavy cold or flu. I’m sure there’s some more subtle and subconscious dynamic going on that allows some parents to sense Asperger’s well before any formal diagnostic criteria emerge.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">At the other end of the spectrum are subjects who make it well into childhood, teen years, or adulthood without suspecting or raising suspicion of Asperger’s syndrome. Sometimes, the dynamics of adolescence are a powerful catalyst for bringing Asperger’s symptoms into focus. A child who seems normally quiet or withdrawn might be masking AS incompetence that comes to the surface during adolescent attempts at friend-making or romance. I remember clearly that during my fourth-year I had an epiphany about how people think about each other. I was convinced that my looks, my voice, my geekiness, my poor eyesight, etc. were the subject of constant recognition and criticism by all my classmates. One day I realized that I spent very little time observing and evaluating my peers, so it </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">made sense</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> that they spent very little time critiquing me. That realization was liberating (too much so, as I will share when I blog about Stage Five: Darkness). What other may have picked up on through intuition, I only accessed through cognition. The truth is, my self-consciousness was way out of proportion on the high side. Being an Aspergian extremist, I promptly swung my pendulum round to the other extreme.</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">By sixth grade, I knew I was </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">something.</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> When we were required to write Valentine’s Day cards to all the students in our class, I got some that were signed, “</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Not Really.</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">” I knew I was intelligent and articulate. I could sing a bit and was tall enough to compensate for being slow and clumsy. I didn’t know why nobody liked me, but I knew it was true. I had an inkling of my Aspergian citizenship that persisted unresolved for 20 years.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Most people, especially in 2010, don’t take 20 years to transition from ignorance through inkling to dawn. There are so many resources and conversations about Asperger’s and Autism that someone is sure to <a href="http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100104210727AASA8Gi">vocalize a curiosity</a> much more quickly. That vocalized curiosity, whether it comes from the subject, parents or someone else, is the beginning of the shift from ignorance toward awareness.</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih0o9J-Bt3ezgT2r7ahCfT_2tJpPuSl-yndw1-e95s9P-KyvrG_Zp0O1EcXbJf3ohwZoLFGwVtSh8F1tI9wakqcSuQH1QAJpfwCSlgZKwOuKgdoYNf6wZvhpmKB8abXWbynUhlv7xe2giZ/s1600-h/AS_Johari_2.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih0o9J-Bt3ezgT2r7ahCfT_2tJpPuSl-yndw1-e95s9P-KyvrG_Zp0O1EcXbJf3ohwZoLFGwVtSh8F1tI9wakqcSuQH1QAJpfwCSlgZKwOuKgdoYNf6wZvhpmKB8abXWbynUhlv7xe2giZ/s320/AS_Johari_2.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423849566086796994" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 301px; " /></a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">In the world of <a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2010/01/seven-stages-of-aspergers-awareness.html">Johari window insights</a>, inkling is when Asperger’s begins to move from the unknown pane into (usually) the blind spot. Although some teens and adults with Asperger’s may begin to suspect and self-diagnose, it is much more common for the first recognition to come from someone else. Since Asperger’s inhibits the aspects of self-awareness that include comparative social observations, the subject is less likely to observe the package of stereotypical behaviors and interests, social awkwardness, pedantic language that are external markers of Asperger’s. Thus, the movement through Johari is almost always from unknown to blind.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Once it is in the blind spot, Asperger’s is evident to someone. If that or those individuals are parents, the recognition raises concerns and lowers esteem. Without a clear answer, parents are left wondering, “What’s wrong/different/odd about my child?” Answers lag questions by months or years, and the intervening period is marked by decreased optimism and parent-esteem. Often, the subject picks up on the parent angst and misinterprets it as disapproval or disappointment. This is a pattern that re-manifests later on and can trigger a dark and dismal period.</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE6JwuNrdKfLWPtYV4qEgL5t-7EATwGrYR6UG7R5JyTOwOOwcRjYEpzZSk2ZT17VdOr9AF0mvFhVF_as9TqH7Qn08W6Yfm2U9iV5lVuprcXKQ4_9qINRRmjv6_l12xS7NAx9KH0Vs4CMTC/s1600-h/Inkling-Esteem.jpg" style="text-decoration: none;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE6JwuNrdKfLWPtYV4qEgL5t-7EATwGrYR6UG7R5JyTOwOOwcRjYEpzZSk2ZT17VdOr9AF0mvFhVF_as9TqH7Qn08W6Yfm2U9iV5lVuprcXKQ4_9qINRRmjv6_l12xS7NAx9KH0Vs4CMTC/s320/Inkling-Esteem.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423849559989171826" style="text-align: left;display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 66px; " /></a></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Inkling is a relatively passive stage, but it leads through desperation before an explosion of learning, awareness, and recognition. Stay tuned for some stories about the desperation before dawn breaks.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">In the meantime though, please retweet and/or add your comments below about how you first got an inkling that set you on the path towards Asperger’s Awareness. I’m glad to be there with you.</span></span></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">_________________________</span></span></p></div><a href="http://is.gd/22dja"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">More insights from the Asperger's Expert are on the main page.</span></span></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-23358696381260051422010-01-04T22:50:00.000-08:002020-02-09T19:38:43.798-08:00Bliss: The first stage of Asperger’s Awareness<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-weight: bold; font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><div style="text-align: left; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">BLISS</span></span></span></div></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv6kUFAwTMUq6QGSLVvyDybSo2DNiwwNoVf3m4Gjo6M5SNFb6c0CGizZvqZk73OyOmW8rQRG4QQ7zLPOWTN3faG-YKxLZHKmtAuI7ahkKicSntBQEVdaMj_-gIDg6lAyrtKoyQelR-GfZ5/s1600-h/AS_Awareness_Stage_1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 297px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv6kUFAwTMUq6QGSLVvyDybSo2DNiwwNoVf3m4Gjo6M5SNFb6c0CGizZvqZk73OyOmW8rQRG4QQ7zLPOWTN3faG-YKxLZHKmtAuI7ahkKicSntBQEVdaMj_-gIDg6lAyrtKoyQelR-GfZ5/s400/AS_Awareness_Stage_1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423498248881319842" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaqt_H0ruq7JVvVnDa1WtHOwnW8D1ZsdjTMdTmszzh4nrjeHzvOl4Ifu8CwVa1LuMUhpDUPnrdjNhhp776x2HPeOtnxdG2VdEEy7pxjSUm9MLbK4WmsfAnf30PG0U5k6tMvQxkggRgh-pY/s1600-h/Bliss-Esteem.jpg"></a></span></span><div><b><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">During the first stage of Asperger’s Awareness, nobody knows about the syndrome. Not only is the presence of the syndrome unknown, but neither the parents nor the subject may observe any symptoms. This blissful ignorance may be simply a factor of age. Until a child is 2-4 years old, the basic symptoms of Asperger’s are difficult to detect before the child’s language and cognitive development are sufficiently established.</span></span></span></div></span></span></div></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">As an example, a toddler Aspie may not have sufficient social interaction to reveal the impairments that emerge in childhood. While some of the early indicators of Asperger’s may be unusually advanced vocabulary or hyperlexia, with an infant or toddler, those symptoms are still below the threshold of detection.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Blissful ignorance can also be a function of denial, mild symptoms, or sophisticated coping skills. A family with an Aspie member might engage in various levels of denial, either celebrating his intellectual/verbal skills or ability to interact comfortably with adults. Ignoring the challenges of Asperger’s while emphasizing its gifts can be a conspiracy within the family system that keeps the status quo in place. Denial takes a lot of energy, and the energy required to stay in ignorance is rarely sustainable.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">In stage one, Bliss, the presence of Asperger’s Syndrome is located in the unknown quadrant of the Johari window. For more information about the dynamics of the Johari Window, please review my </span></span><a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2010/01/seven-stages-of-aspergers-awareness.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">earlier post</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> on the background for this stage model.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIoFOw9SfeFyRnMA2bQ_smzTu40oK5RY_N2xDdIThDpyIdfHhe-SdCJzDt5avrAeJutXDKWrclQh6e97rRZddm0yyFga5ijlIviHBz_WWsnZ0-osAcY1Av43q_kGP5IBvsgmjVLB7vJ180/s320/AS_Johari_1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423497453202443922" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 300px; " /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Logically, anyone who is learning about stage one is no longer in stage one. So why spend time discussing bliss? As with many family and psychological dynamics, the seeds of later challenges are sown early on. Some of the patterns that can cause problems for childe and teen Aspies—not to mention adults with the syndrome—begin in first stage, when Asperger’s is still unknown. Patterns of sensitivity, excuse-making, blaming, protecting, rescuing, denying, etc. can all begin when parents and subjects are still ignorant of the syndrome. In some cases, these family system dynamics are themselves powerful forces that create additional complications later on. Subjects and their families who learn about Asperger’s </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">at any point </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">may find it useful to reflect on ways they may have been responding to Asperger’s without knowing it.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaqt_H0ruq7JVvVnDa1WtHOwnW8D1ZsdjTMdTmszzh4nrjeHzvOl4Ifu8CwVa1LuMUhpDUPnrdjNhhp776x2HPeOtnxdG2VdEEy7pxjSUm9MLbK4WmsfAnf30PG0U5k6tMvQxkggRgh-pY/s1600-h/Bliss-Esteem.jpg"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaqt_H0ruq7JVvVnDa1WtHOwnW8D1ZsdjTMdTmszzh4nrjeHzvOl4Ifu8CwVa1LuMUhpDUPnrdjNhhp776x2HPeOtnxdG2VdEEy7pxjSUm9MLbK4WmsfAnf30PG0U5k6tMvQxkggRgh-pY/s400/Bliss-Esteem.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423497874466041938" style="float: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 81px; " /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">During the first stage, both subject and the family have a relatively neutral level of self-esteem and self-identity. As Asperger’s emerges from obscurity, self and family-esteem is one of the first casualties. It is rare for a family to learn about Asperger’s without suffering some sense of loss and inadequacy. Bliss is temporary, but it is a necessary and universal precursor to Stage Two: Inkling.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Please share your comments below. Have you experienced bliss? Do you sometimes wish you could regress back to bliss?</span></span></p> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Check back in a few days for some thoughts on Stage Two.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"></span></span><!--EndFragment--><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />_________________________<br /></span></span><a href="http://is.gd/22dja"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">More insights from the Asperger's Expert are on the main page.</span></span></a></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-17042048873517592752010-01-04T07:07:00.000-08:002020-02-09T19:38:28.632-08:00The Seven Stages of Asperger’s Awareness: Background<div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSR3xEK9QeIlRM0C1InR8xu7QiBURG9Kg4xbYHPdDU4WrJE2KCJE0yZQRBB_tFuiEtXDGVMMltRMRqnAcKQjZEt9zW2Pwr1pyUqRJHKPXClcMDfE4xW34qnc7I_vQY0VfB6TFXwgECJgnz/s1600-h/kubler_ross.gif"></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWwfb1Ae2M5rQ7fxxoYLmv40wKtS20CMAgn9DApyL-1e3Oy4yzm-k70EPmjZFDr4Roivra40Ng-lLEAnwqLUGEmrdrqTtVLRLlWATfJ06ew0YLCM1aQtU-ljyCaGgKNs_JJemRSe0lXxnJ/s1600-h/Seven_Stages_Overview.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 136px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWwfb1Ae2M5rQ7fxxoYLmv40wKtS20CMAgn9DApyL-1e3Oy4yzm-k70EPmjZFDr4Roivra40Ng-lLEAnwqLUGEmrdrqTtVLRLlWATfJ06ew0YLCM1aQtU-ljyCaGgKNs_JJemRSe0lXxnJ/s320/Seven_Stages_Overview.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5422754464149690962" /></a><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Georgia, serif;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; min-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><b>Stage-Based Background:</b></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Many psychological developments progress through a sequence of experiences. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross described the <a href="http://changingminds.org/disciplines/change_management/kubler_ross/kubler_ross.htm">five stages of grief</a> as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. </span></span><a href="http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Others</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> have added stages such as renewal and hope. Understanding the process has helped many of us deal with grief and grieving. C.S. Lewis, in his book <a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=j8h-WFrnJ4IC&dq=%22a+grief+observed%22&printsec=frontcover&source=bl&ots=mvQPkLFBEQ&sig=6jVFu6QEHL28vLJR8KNFkryRP2k&hl=en&ei=xXpBS8m5BIPfnAevk_WACQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=8&ved=0CDIQ6AEwBw#v=onepage&q=&f=false">A Grief Observed</a>, gave us the gift of a description of grief through the experience and expression of a gifted writer. Sometimes, we can learn vicariously through the experiences of others. That learning can be a comfort and a source of sanity in the midst of chaotic times.</span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; font-family:Georgia, serif;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSR3xEK9QeIlRM0C1InR8xu7QiBURG9Kg4xbYHPdDU4WrJE2KCJE0yZQRBB_tFuiEtXDGVMMltRMRqnAcKQjZEt9zW2Pwr1pyUqRJHKPXClcMDfE4xW34qnc7I_vQY0VfB6TFXwgECJgnz/s320/kubler_ross.gif" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5422755039354960514" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 163px; " /></span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; min-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"></span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Unlike stage theories, many personality theories (<a href="http://www.discprofile.com/">DISC</a>, <a href="http://www.keirsey.com/">Myers-Briggs/Kiersey</a>, <a href="http://www.bcon-lifo.com/index.htm">LIFO</a>) propose that our working personality has a number of dimensions. The number four seems to be common, though there are other configurations. The Johari Window, while not exactly a personality theory, is a way of visualizing the interaction of various aspects of our identity. I have found the Johari window a helpful way of explaining the value of learning, reflection, disclosure, and feedback.</span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; min-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"></span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b>Johari Background:</b></span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Here’s a basic look at the <a href="http://www.answers.com/topic/johari-window">Johari Window</a>. (The window is named for its creators, Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham).</span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLwG2kyA1nZ2WOztPUpewPjoCGGiI8WhZXjWzr_dJE0EoZmljnX2KpmdH_ttTouqG9kQlTrjQc_PUVlCa9F5Dmr2DhhzWOwftice6LVuRPtNBYxpZtuUe7XE-ZTQXLzkje8CC7uRQkm49t/s1600-h/BasicJohari.jpg" style="text-decoration: none;"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 165px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLwG2kyA1nZ2WOztPUpewPjoCGGiI8WhZXjWzr_dJE0EoZmljnX2KpmdH_ttTouqG9kQlTrjQc_PUVlCa9F5Dmr2DhhzWOwftice6LVuRPtNBYxpZtuUe7XE-ZTQXLzkje8CC7uRQkm49t/s200/BasicJohari.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5421998933307029170" /></a><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The two dimensions of knowledge intersect to form four quadrants. Quadrant one is variously called the Public, Arena, or Open quadrant. The public arena contains everything about our self that is known to us and known or at least accessible to others. This might include our gender, height, name, and anything else we choose to reveal. Quadrant two is the blind spot containing things about ourselves that are known to others, but unknown to us. I often use bad breath and the way our colleagues regard us as examples from quadrant two. Quadrant three is the unknown, mystery, and it contains things about you that are both true and unknown. The presence of early stage cancer or the capacity for athletic accomplishment are both legitimate examples of information from the unknown quadrant. Often, the revelation and reassignment of unknown information is challenging and traumatic. The final quadrant is the hidden, avoided, or façade dimension. This contains everything we know about ourselves but have not disclosed.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">In addition to the major principles of the Johari window that are <a href="http://changingminds.org/disciplines/communication/johari_window.htm">explained elsewhere</a>, I observe four important dynamics.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">1. The choice to disclose personal information increases the public quadrant at the expense of the hidden quadrant. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">2. Feedback from others increases the public quadrant at the expense of the blind quadrant.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">3. Our window looks different in different settings. The shape of our window with a spouse would has a smaller hidden domain than with our children. That with our family should be shaped differently from our professional or public profile. </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">4. In the age of Facebook, and other broadcasting social media, impulsive self-disclosure is riskier than ever before.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><b>Application:</b></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Both stage-based wisdom and personality theories are helpful ways to understand the experience of Asperger’s Syndrome. Most of us start in ignorance and end up somewhere along the path toward acceptance. Some veer into self-hatred, while others become so pro-Asperger’s they end up becoming hostile to those in the neuro-typical population.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This series is a way to think about the progress of discovering Asperger’s. I am sure that my insights generalize and oversimplify from my experience as a person with AS, a father of an Aspie, and a principal to many more. So I’ll cede the technical and scholarly ground and speak more simply about how I’ve seen many people experience this process. If you find yourself anywhere in the descriptions, I’d like to hear from you so I can correct and refine the model.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><br /></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;">In the next few posts, I will develop a model of Asperger's Awareness that may be helpful to Aspies, their parents, and those who serve them in schools and other settings. Thanks for adding your insights as we go. I suggest that this model is a gentle way to help bring Aspies and those who love them into greater understanding. I trust it will be useful to some of you.</span></p><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;font-size:medium;">________________________</span></div><a href="http://is.gd/22dja"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">More insights from the Asperger's Expert are on the main page.</span></span></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-57054021487493283602010-01-01T07:07:00.000-08:002020-02-09T19:38:28.787-08:00The Seven Stages of Asperger's Syndrome: Preview<div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', serif; ">Like most who have Asperger's Syndrome, I am experiencing AS as an unfolding reality. I am starting a series about how we recognize and come to terms with the syndrome when we or someone we love discovers Asperger's.</span></div><div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms', serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I have given the seven stages some cryptic names. Maybe you can infer why I chose each name?<br /><br />Stage One: Bliss<br />Stage Two: Inkling<br />Stage Three: Desperation<br />Stage Four: Dawn<br />Stage Five: Darkness<br />Stage Six: Acceptance<br />Stage Seven: Celebration<br /><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><!--EndFragment--><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I'll start with some background information on stage-based processes and the Johari Window before diving in to the stages themselves. Check back for more info through January.</span></span></div><div><br /></div><div>_________________________<br /><a href="http://is.gd/22dja">More insights from the Asperger's Expert are on the main page.</a></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-42260566492404112322009-12-31T15:17:00.000-08:002020-02-09T19:38:44.282-08:00Asperger's New Year's Resolutions: Part Two<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">5: I resolve to give myself a break when I utterly fail to follow through on my commitments. I have some distractibility and am most excited by “the new thing.” That’s part of my personality type as a <a href="http://www.personalitypage.com/ENTP.html">visionary</a>/<a href="http://davefaq.com/Docs/ENTP.html">innovator</a>. I can modify it or try to moderate it, but I resolve not to wallow in it.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">4: I resolve not to spend more than one hour in a funk when I don’t get my way. I tend to <a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2009/06/double-whammy-managing-disappointment.html">pout about disappointments</a>—and I’m sure pouting doesn’t make me a better person.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">3: I resolve to start more of my days connecting with God, His <a href="http://biblos.com">word</a>, my faith, righteousness, trying to be Christlike, and trying to bear the image faithfully. I don’t think having Asperger’s give me a pass on walking in truth. I resolve to live like I believe.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">2: I resolve not to take people for granted. I love my wife. I treasure my kids. I look forward to celebrating 21 years next week at <a href="http://www.monalisafondue.com/">our favorite restaurant</a>. As the little ones grow up and become my adult kids, I regret time not spent and wish for some more. I have some more with my kids still at home, so I resolve not to waste it.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">1: I resolve to <b><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Peter%203:%208-9&version=NIV">do the next right thing</a></b>. 2009 was a lousy year. All the important things ended great, but there were so many valleys along the way. We had multiple cancer scares, two major surgeries, upheaval at work and challenges at school. Plus, a third child graduated and launched into the world. There were many days when the long view was so cloudy I had to retreat to the front of my nose and just do the next right thing. I want to remember those many lessons and keep doing one right thing in a row. Some year I’ll graduate to at least two right things in a row, but for 2010 a modest resolution, well kept, is sufficient.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Happy New Year! May your 2010 be blessed and may you be a blessing to all.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">____________________</span></span></p><a href="http://is.gd/22dja"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">More insights from the Asperger's Expert are on the main page.</span></span></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-38090845173176739522009-12-31T12:53:00.000-08:002020-02-09T19:38:44.157-08:0010 Asperger’s Resolutions for 2010: Part 1<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1PeOEy-RiwHIKuQJXsvnEoDCJ1bylvDtViG_ZGyxulTgdcZ9e7USmCxU72ldfqiW3lHYMe_DZ-8AE8w_62MLn7awj9gVXMT2jFFsI_jbgXO6jXWUZosjwR1M_P6KlUKtR-HIrj07qvC9w/s1600-h/ar119895516288958.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 258px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1PeOEy-RiwHIKuQJXsvnEoDCJ1bylvDtViG_ZGyxulTgdcZ9e7USmCxU72ldfqiW3lHYMe_DZ-8AE8w_62MLn7awj9gVXMT2jFFsI_jbgXO6jXWUZosjwR1M_P6KlUKtR-HIrj07qvC9w/s320/ar119895516288958.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5421506825790717858" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">10: I resolve not to freak out over the </span><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/03/health/03asperger.html?_r=2&ref=health"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">probable elimination</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"> of the term “Asperger’s Syndrome” from the DSM V. I am not Asperger’s and Asperger’s is not me. I can still be who I am with some other label.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"> </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">9: I resolve to practice a new </span><a href="http://www.thefreedictionary.com/courtesy"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">social courtesy</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"> every day for the month of January. I will greet, make eye contact, thank, indulge, ask after, tolerate, those I live and work with.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"> </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">8: I resolve not to excuse my crusty behavior as an expression of AS.</span><a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2009/05/social-incompetence-1-persistence-pain.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"> I control what I do</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">, even if I can’t always control who I am.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"> </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">7: I resolve to enjoy </span><a href="http://aspergersexpert.blogspot.com/2009/10/aspergers-express-why-aspies-love-model.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">my trains</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">. Training with my son is a pleasurable and appropriate distraction. I won’t regret the time we spend together.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"> </p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">6: I resolve </span><a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Taking-Things-Personally"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">not to resent people</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"> who are acting in their own interests. I act in my own interests all the time, so fair’s fair. If it is in someone’s interests to disagree with me, refuse me permission, correct me, etc. it isn’t necessarily personal. I resolve to get and maintain a grip.</span></p><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">_________________________<br /></span><a href="http://is.gd/22dja"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">More insights from the Asperger's Expert are on the main page.</span></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-8530000076764305462009-12-31T12:04:00.000-08:002020-02-09T19:38:45.227-08:00Not As Cold As You Think<span class="fullpost"><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">People who have Asperger’s are often very pragmatic about social relations.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco; min-height: 21.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 16.0px Monaco"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">For example, I am instinctively less social than I “should” be to workers and people I meet on a temporary basis. My wife is very good about saying hello, and wishing a good day to workers in tollways and paid parking lots. I have learned from her that it is polite and well-received to add a simple “I hope your day is going well.” (I learn a lot from my wife.)</span></span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">_________________________________________________________________<br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; "><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; ">As a pragmatist, it makes no logical sense to be solicitous toward people with whom you will have no further contact. Unless you believe in Karma or the three-fold rule, you won’t get any benefit out of the exchange.</span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; min-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "> </span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; ">In a world where people are reflexively polite and responsive, a person who does not engage in small talk or social niceties seems cold and unfeeling. It may be that that person is simply efficient. If you are or love someone with Asperger’s, perhaps it is worth thinking through this simple truth:</span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; min-height: 21px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "> </span></span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 16px/normal Monaco; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; ">Every opportunity to be polite/social is an opportunity to practice the social skills that may someday be critical to success. The payoff may not be obvious or immediate, but it is worth it to take advantage of every learning opportunity.</span></span></p></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /><br />_________________________<br /></span></span><a href="http://is.gd/22dja"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">More insights from the Asperger's Expert are on the main page.</span></span></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5885924446712835239.post-21241230899314685232009-12-20T13:21:00.000-08:002020-02-09T19:38:43.713-08:00Ghandi on a Fishing Boat<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYDmYCRdSZi7CCMtAqwJg2PnBhyphenhyphencm1QC-jnlFUIvGmHwjtXGz7nrIGwLPCRdIfvb0QFjz77CKZK9ko_TSYEBME_v4QxT7Y7e6Lk9xEfvvr23CZ_79NPmBCGQ52fTWXqDf79wYrr00iwhah/s1600-h/Ghadi_Fishing.gif"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYDmYCRdSZi7CCMtAqwJg2PnBhyphenhyphencm1QC-jnlFUIvGmHwjtXGz7nrIGwLPCRdIfvb0QFjz77CKZK9ko_TSYEBME_v4QxT7Y7e6Lk9xEfvvr23CZ_79NPmBCGQ52fTWXqDf79wYrr00iwhah/s200/Ghadi_Fishing.gif" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5417432273139100082" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Back in high school and college, a series of teachers “introduced” me to Maslow’s hierarchy of psychological needs. The model was very popular in the 80’s, for good reason. The basic logic makes sense, since it is hard to pay attention to membership and belonging needs if you are hungry, homeless, and under assault. (Sorry for the gross oversimplification Abraham.)<br /><br />However, I always wanted to argue about the claim that the highest level, self-actualization, was so rare and difficult to accomplish that only a few people in history had ever attained it. Commonly, teachers and texts would suggest that only Jesus, Ghandi, and Martin Luther King Jr. were self-actualized individuals.<br />_______________________________________________________________<br /></span></span><span class="fullpost"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />I disagree. I think self-actualization is a state, not a level. I slip in and out of Maslow’s levels depending on the context. During a board meeting, if I get hungry I stop caring about whether the board likes me, and I wonder if I can snag some of their spare Chik-fil-a sandwiches. When I am full, rested, and secure, I often skip past the social levels of Abe’s pyramid and jump right to actualizing myself. It’s definitely a human thing and his may be an Asperger’s thing, but I’m not sure.<br /><br />Here’s an example of a self-actualized epiphany (SEA). When I was 20, my brother died at sea and I inherited his set-net commercial fishing license, boat and gear. (Set-netting is a small-scale fishing method using open skiffs and small crews) That summer, I was a rookie captain with Meric Overman as my main crew and partner. During an opening in July, we decided to take a risk and set our nets at a distant location called Riley’s Wreck (Note to prospective captains—avoid being in places named for past shipwrecks.) Riley’s Wreck is along an exposed section of coastline that faces out across the Bering Strait to Siberia. To get there, Meric and I left Kotzebue and drove south around Cape Blossom.<br /><br />From the time we passed the airport beacon, Meric and I were on our own with nothing to block the swells rolling across from a Siberian storm. It was intense, cold, and scary. As captain, I had the wheel of a 22-foot open skiff, driving twin outboards into the storm. I had reason to be scared. For one, my mom had lost her only other son just 5 months before—in a storm—at sea. Death and drowning was not abstract to me, and I was churning with my own grief and fear. For another, the waves were big, intense, and growing. But the best fishing was through the storm, around the cape, and down the coast. Mostly though, I was afraid because I was inexperienced, undersized, and completely in control. The waves were nasty, the wind was ripping, the summer sky was starting to dim as it does in late July in the arctic. Our little boat was outmatched, and our little crew was insignificant. And then it happened. Ghandi arrived.<br /><br />Somewhere just North of Cape Blossom, we synced up with the storm. I started powering down the waves and easing off on the crest. We stopped jumping and pounding and started gliding. Working the throttle and the relaxing on the wheel, we started surfing the swells instead of powering through them. Meric felt it too. He stood with me and we knew without speaking that we could make it through. The next 30 minutes were the most pure expression of capability that I have ever felt. In the midst of real danger and adversity, we were up to the challenge. It was something like the “flow” that Csikszentmihalyi has described throughout his career.<br /><br />We made it through and set our nets for a modest payday. I remember building a fire on the beach to dry out our gear, then spending a cold night in the storm until fishing the next day. I don’t know how many salmon we caught, or how much we made. What I do treasure is the memory that on that night, in that storm, I had what it takes. That is a touchstone that matters in a world that burdens Aspies with a sense of their abnormality and insufficiency.<br /><br />I am posting this here at AspergersExpert because I appeal to all of us who are or love an Aspie to adopt a new concept of self-actualization. The tendency of spectrum dwellers to immerse in a challenge and focus intensely on an experience is not anti-social—as we are often told. Instead, it is an experience of self-actualization that is memorable and motivating. Once there, we want to go back. If you get there once, figure out the conditions and go back often. Find what you love and do a lot more of it.<br /><br />For me, fishing commercially was a season of life that has ended. I haven’t set a net in 20 years. That doesn’t matter now. What matters is the memory and the recognition that I can go back to that metaphorical place when I need to.<br />A few years ago, I read a book by John Eldredge (Wild at Heart) that contained a quote by Howard Thurman.<br /><br />"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."<br /><br />If you have Asperger’s, don’t ask what makes you more like the world—more “normal.” Ask what takes you to your place of greatest self-actualization. Once you have that answer, do a lot more of that—because our world needs you.<br /><br />Our. World. Needs. You.<br /></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /><br />_________________________<br /></span></span><a href="http://is.gd/22dja"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">More insights on the main page.</span></span></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0