As an example, a toddler Aspie may not have sufficient social interaction to reveal the impairments that emerge in childhood. While some of the early indicators of Asperger’s may be unusually advanced vocabulary or hyperlexia, with an infant or toddler, those symptoms are still below the threshold of detection.
Blissful ignorance can also be a function of denial, mild symptoms, or sophisticated coping skills. A family with an Aspie member might engage in various levels of denial, either celebrating his intellectual/verbal skills or ability to interact comfortably with adults. Ignoring the challenges of Asperger’s while emphasizing its gifts can be a conspiracy within the family system that keeps the status quo in place. Denial takes a lot of energy, and the energy required to stay in ignorance is rarely sustainable.
In stage one, Bliss, the presence of Asperger’s Syndrome is located in the unknown quadrant of the Johari window. For more information about the dynamics of the Johari Window, please review my earlier post on the background for this stage model.
Logically, anyone who is learning about stage one is no longer in stage one. So why spend time discussing bliss? As with many family and psychological dynamics, the seeds of later challenges are sown early on. Some of the patterns that can cause problems for childe and teen Aspies—not to mention adults with the syndrome—begin in first stage, when Asperger’s is still unknown. Patterns of sensitivity, excuse-making, blaming, protecting, rescuing, denying, etc. can all begin when parents and subjects are still ignorant of the syndrome. In some cases, these family system dynamics are themselves powerful forces that create additional complications later on. Subjects and their families who learn about Asperger’s at any point may find it useful to reflect on ways they may have been responding to Asperger’s without knowing it.
During the first stage, both subject and the family have a relatively neutral level of self-esteem and self-identity. As Asperger’s emerges from obscurity, self and family-esteem is one of the first casualties. It is rare for a family to learn about Asperger’s without suffering some sense of loss and inadequacy. Bliss is temporary, but it is a necessary and universal precursor to Stage Two: Inkling.
Please share your comments below. Have you experienced bliss? Do you sometimes wish you could regress back to bliss?
Check back in a few days for some thoughts on Stage Two.
I had an awareness from my six year olds birth that something was up but thought he was just particular. By 3 he would not tolerate his peer group at all and behaviour was more obvious. We then went down the long road of diagnosis and then looked into aspergers.
ReplyDeleteWhat gave you the awareness? Were there some specific behaviors, or did you have an instinct? We had both with my son. We knew from about month two that something was different, but we couldn't articulate it until he had enough body control to throw himself on the ground and flail around when I came home from work each day. That was his response to the emotional overload of seeing Daddy after a 10-hour separation. It still took us until age 6 to land on a diagnosis. We passed through ADD, ADHD, OCD, Epilepsy, etc. before landing on the spectrum.
ReplyDeleteWith our daughter it was a stiffness (not responding to hugs) and lack of eye contact, very early on. She didn't like noise or the feel of particular things. She also, it seemed to me, was very self focused, just not enough interaction with her world.
ReplyDeleteI think knowledge and awareness are very empowering. I wish there had been more of that when we were kids, and I'm glad today's kids can find out and get support earlier.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this post and the way that you're laying out the series. I look forward to continuing through the next steps.
ReplyDeleteOur bliss lasted until our youngest son started school -- and then all hell broke loose -- but it wasn't until 4th grade (this year) that we finally arrived at the correct diagnosis of Asperger's. There was a beginning awareness, in pre-school, when his teachers remarked on him being so much "in his own world." We thought it was because he was in class with 8 little girls and 2 female teachers who had spoiled him (in a good way) with love and attention. When he started Kindergarten, his quirks quickly became less charming and adorable and people started suggesting ADD & Ritalin.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this series. I am so interested to read through to that last wonderful stage! ;-)