Can People With Aspergers be Team Players?

A lot of us with Asperger's struggle in team settings. What can we do about it?

We are more comfortable working as solo operators. It's not just that Aspies are iconoclasts. We tend to value things like honesty, direct speech, and literal explanations that don't always play well in group sessions.
Most teams begin as pseudo-teams, a term I credit to M. Scott Peck from his book A Different Drum. I've written a more detailed explanation on my other blog if you care to drill down.
Aspergians don't do so well on pseudoteams because we fiercely resist the game-playing and social deception that make pseudo-teams "work."
Here's a summary image to explain the pseudoteam. If you have Asperger's, you might be just the person a pseudoteam needs to speak the truth and provoke the crisis that helps your group become a true team. Play on!

Teaching an Aspie to Drive: #3 Perceptive Driving for Safety and Efficiency

Should people with Asperger's be allowed to drive?
I responded to a twitter question and had the following exchange:



So the real answer needs more than 140 characters.
This is the third in a series. Read the first and second posts for context.
PERCEPTIONS:

• What does a safe driver perceive?
• What must an Aspie learn to perceive and ignore?
• What are the cues that can help an individual with Asperger's be the safest driver on the road?

Again, there are some foundational principles to observe about perceptions.

• No one perceives everything. Recognizing your blind spots is key to compensating for them. Since we are not bugs, we don't have wide angle vision. There will always be significant visual information outside our field of vision. To capture all the available information, we must drive unsafely—constantly swiveling our head to make sure we don't miss anything. Driving with a swivelhead is dangerous, so we do something different. We accept the necessity of blind spots and use mirrors and quick glances to compensate. Just as a quarterback learns to check down on available receivers, a safe driver can learn to check down a series of regions. I don't suggest this is the only pattern, but a driver might adopt a rhythm of checking these zones: 1) Close in front: What's the next car doing? 2) Further out: What is traffic down the road doing? 3) Just behind: Who is following and how close are they? 4) Blind spot left: Who's approaching or passing from the fast side? 5) Blind spot right: Is there slow or pacing traffic on the right? One idea might be to use some regular feature such as a mile marker, a new song on the radio, an exit, etc. as a cue to scan through the five zones. Setting a safe routine can create both literal safety and emotional security—both of which support safe driving.

• Your perception is skewed. Don't rely completely on your own perception of the literal or relational environment. Drivers that seem stable and consistent one moment might change behavior abruptly and swerve to make an exit or accelerate through a gap. I don't suggest that Aspie's should drive with paranoia, but with a general distrust that they can sense everything. When driving with passengers, the Aspie driver would do well to verbalize perceptions and check in with others to see how accurate they are. It is also literally true that driving from the left side of the car makes it more difficult to judge distance to objects on the right side. As an important part of learning to drive, I had my son park next to cones, then stones, then curbs and finally cars. Each time, I had him tell me how close he was, then get out of the car to compare perception with reality.

• Ignoring is as important as perceiving. Since there is far too much stimuli for one person to take in, driving is partly an exercise in learning to ignore. Some unsafe practices include reading bumper stickers; scanning roadside billboards; over-focusing on directional signs; being distracted by text or images on other cars; interacting with other drivers; and interacting with passengers in ways that might be distracting. The key strategy for ignoring is to focus on what is essential to safety. This is an important strategy, and worth discussion and reinforcement. Have the learning Aspie think out loud about what to ignore and what to perceive. That will help you as the instructor calibrate their attention and focus.

• Be self-perceptive. Recognizing your own state is one key to safe driving. Being aware of the internal environment is as important as the external environment. Being fatigued, hungry, angry or anxious can all lead to distraction and impulsive driving. As persons with Asperger's, we are prone to being overwhelmed by internal and external stimuli. We need to stay on top of our own state so we don't get blindsided by some condition or concern. It is especially wise to recognize our troublesome states. Maybe we are at our most irritable and distractible when we're hungry or sleepy. Maybe the radio makes you crazy or low-angle sunlight is a problem. Know your weaknesses and plan accordingly.

• Keep driving and traveling in perspective. The consequences of unsafe driving are disproportionate to the consequences of inefficient driving. Speed kills. Lateness irritates. Keep them in perspective.

Can Students with Asperger's Thrive in College...

...not necessarily.

NPR has a balanced article on how students with Asperger's fare in higher education. They lead with a program at Colorado State University, but also mention the College Autism Spectrum website which has some free and paid resources.

If you are contemplating going or sending a loved Aspie to college, this is worth a look. I recommend you read the comments on the NPR article and follow some of the links provided there.

Elves have Asperger's!

I'm watching the special extended version of the Two Towers with my younger NT son when I just realized—Elves have Asperger's.

• People with Asperger's have high intelligence. Elves too.
• Elves are uncomfortable with physical touch. Aspies too. When the elf-lord  Haldir of Lórien arrives, he is clearly uncomfortable with Aragorn's hug.
• Elves speak with odd syntax and unusually precise vocabulary. Dr. Asperger would agree. Maybe elves are like "immortal professors."
• Aspies have strong and compelling interests—bordering on obsessiveness. Doesn't Rivendell look like it was made by OCD people?
• Elves are honest, loyal and literal. They don't obsess about conformity and fitting in. Aspies are the same.
• Elves have strong and mystical powers. They think and fight and love with superhuman capacity. That sounds like an Aspie to me!

 

 

Teaching an Aspie to Drive: #2 Driving Protocols for Safety and Efficiency

Teaching an Aspie to Drive: #2 Driving Protocols for Safety and Efficiency

I responded to a twitter question and had the following exchange:

So the real answer needs more than 140 characters.

This is the second in a series. Read the first post for context.

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PROTOCOLS: What are the rules of the road?

For many Aspies, passing the written driving test will be a breeze. It has limited number of objective answers and they're all available in the drivers' manual. In short, the written test shouldn't be so hard. But that's like saying that reading Emily Post is enough to guarantee relational success. It won't. Use this example to help the Aspie pre-driver keep their test-born confidence in check.

Here are some basic protocols to help the Aspie driver be safe.

• 1. Driving is not operating a predictable machine. Driving is a team sport with unpredictable humans.
• 2. Driving is not an isolated behavior, it is a highly social combination of behaviors, attitudes, and communications.
• 3. Driving safely depends on fluency in a language of symbols and behaviors.
• 4. The status quo is usually safest.

To elaborate:

Protocol 1. We tend to think that machines are reliable, mechanical and predictable. Because driving is operating such a machine, it is reasonable to misapply mechanical rules to the experience of driving. However, the most significant variable in driving isn't the car—it's the driver. Cars don't cause accidents, people do. Since most of us with Asperger's have a pretty firm grasp on the unpredictability of humans, this approach can be a good entry to the difficulty of driving. The most important part of this protocol is to introduce and reinforce the idea that many drivers don't follow the rules. They change lanes without signaling. They run red lights. They speed, honk, swerve, stop, and cut you off without warning. Driving defensively isn't quite enough. We need to drive with a healthy slice of paranoia about the capability and character of other drivers.

Which leads to protocol 2. Driving is highly social. You can help your learning driver by spending time alone with them in the car articulating all the behaviors you can anticipate, infer, and observe about other drivers. You can show how the speed, position, and stability of a car give you clues to the driver's intent. For example, if I am driving in left lane of a freeway and a driver enters in the lane to my right, there is a reasonable chance that the entering driver will want to merge into the fast lane. That chance increases significantly if the driver enters the freeway behind a semi truck or some other slower vehicle. If a driver enters the freeway behind a semi and starts drifting toward the lane line I can almost guarantee an imminent lane change. The combination of entering driver + behind traffic + drifting to the lane is more reliable than a turn signal.

So then, protocol 3 is that driving has many symbols and behaviors that comprise a web of communications.

Many of the symbols are explicit, such as road signs, traffic signals, speed limits, turn signals, lane markings, and all of the gauges and dials in the car. Many people with Asperger's will rely too much on these explicit symbols because they are more concrete and reliable. The other set of symbols, and arguably the more important set, are implicit. Most of the implicit signals are more subtle and are context-dependent. For example, speed limits are more rigid in the presence of a marked patrol car. Drivers are more aggressive at rush hour as the traffic load slows them down. Mini-van drivers are less likely to cut you off than sports sedan pilots. In addition to all the subtle driver hints (swerving = distracted; slowing = uncertainty; sudden changes = impulsive; tailgating = impatience) there are environmental cues as well. Traffic around schools will slow down before and after school.

Just as human interactions are governed by a multitude of subtle cues from head tilts to eye rolls, driving is enmeshed in a web of signals and symbols that must first be recognized and then correctly understood. People with Asperger's are very capable of learning to recognize implicit signals. They are less likely to interpret them correctly on the fly. That said, experience does make us better at correctly translating and responding to even implicit cues.

Finally, protocol 4 is embrace the status quo. Think in terms of maintaining the safe circumstances. Almost any change can be dangerous. Changing speed, lanes, changing your planned route, changing the radio station, reclining the seat, drinking a soda—all these are changes, and changes are risky. When you are actually practicing behind-the-wheel, introduce imaginary crises such as, "You missed the turn!" or "There's an accident on your right!" or "A ball just bounced into the road." In most cases, the safest course of action is to slow slightly while scanning aggressively for any relevant information. Help the learning driver understand how adding change to the equation diminishes their ability to respond safely to driving dynamics.

Asperger's Acceptance and Disclosure—What's the Difference?

I just read a father's perspective on acknowledging that his son has Asperger's. I recommend it, as I recommend most first-person, authentic perspective about AS.

Eventually, we either spend the energy to accept and live with Asperger's, or we spend the energy to deny and live with Asperger's. Both are draining, but one drains us in partnership with the truth, and one drains us by forcing us to repress/suppress the truth.

As I detailed in my series on the Seven Stages of Asperger's Awareness, acceptance is a precursor to disclosure. Acceptance is telling the truth to yourself. Disclosure is telling the truth to others. How much of the truth you tell to others should be a function of need and intimacy, but how much you tell yourself should only be limited by what you can handle.

As with many things, premature or over-disclosure can be traumatic But if you are having trouble disclosing to yourself (accepting your diagnosis) you should seek counsel with a friend, family member or professional.

The Seven Stages of Asperger's Awareness—Complete List

From ignorance to embracing—accepting Asperger's is a process.

I have received a lot of positive feedback about my series on the stages of Asperger's awareness.

Note: This is NOT Tony Atwood's four stages of diagnosis acceptance—which may not exist anyway...

Here are the 8 sections collected in one place.

The Seven Stages of Asperger’s Awareness: Background

Bliss: The first stage of Asperger’s Awareness

Inkling: Stage Two of Asperger's Awareness

Desperation: The Third Stage of Asperger's Awareness

Dawn: The Fourth Stage of Asperger's Awareness

Darkness: The 5th Stage of Asperger's Awareness

Acceptance: The Sixth Stage of Asperger's Awareness

Celebration: The Seventh Stage of Asperger's Awareness

Teaching an Aspie to Drive: #1 Driving with Purpose for Safety and Efficiency

Should people with Asperger's be allowed to drive?

I responded to a twitter question and had the following exchange:

So the real answer needs more than 140 characters.

I think I'll divide this up into 3-4 posts.

Here's my take.
1. People with Asperger's are people, and the default should be that they have the standard suite of rights and privileges of adults—including the privilege of driving.
2. People with Asperger's have a complicated constellation of challenges that make driving a differently challenging task. I don't say harder, but there isn't really a standard I can reference.
3. If some of the challenges for an individual with Aperger's are related to other kinds of challenges we face, then we can assess and adjust to help them be safe and confident drivers.
4. Driving is a privilege. Driving is a privilege. Driving is a privilege. Safety earns that privilege. Unproven confidence doesn't earn the privilege.

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PURPOSE: What is the purpose of driving?
For some of us, driving is utilitarian. We just want to get from A back home to A safely and efficiently. For others, driving is a sports event, a statement of independence or adulthood, a personal therapy session, a time to lecture kids as a captive audience, or a form of mobile flirting. I'll bet I don't have to describe all the types of drivers for you to recognize our varying purposes.
For an Aspie learning to drive, the first thing I would do is define the purpose. I would limit the purpose to utilitarian transportation—both safe and efficient. Limiting the purpose let's you as the driving instructor put a lot of other behaviors off-cue.

Defining the purpose also helps define success. Making sure that the outcome is clearly defined and prioritized is important. Safety is vastly more important than efficiency. If you are in the wrong lane to enter an on-ramp or make a turn, efficiency would urge you to make a challenging and less-safe maneuver to keep on your preferred/efficient route. Safety says, go around, make a u-turn, recalculate the route or find a safe place to reset and recalculate. Safety is number 1-9, efficiency comes in #10 and every other purpose is really a dangerous non-purpose.

When teaching an Aspie to drive, use the cognitive and metacognitive abilities of the Aspie to help shape the thought process of driving to be safety oriented. For example, when teaching my son, I had him think out loud so I could hear him verbalize his observations. By affirming the safety-oriented thoughts and helping his filter out the non-safety oriented thoughts I was able to help him be more focused on safety factors and less distracted by signs, environment, cars, other drivers, etc. Helping the driver learn to ignore stimuli is critical. For an Aspie with hypervigilant senses, ignoring is more important than noticing. The Aspie will probably note everthing. The key is learning what to notice and give extra attention.

In the next post I'll address some Protocols for driving safely. I'll touch on things like literal and mental blind spots, status quo as safety, and the specialized language used for communicating with other drivers.

Stay tuned after that for posts including Perceptions and Programs.

Safe travels!

 

 

 

Avoid, Ignore, Adjust

image via kaykays.com

It's irritating.

I don't know what it is. It might be a person, a ticking clock, a fabric texture, a smell, or anything else that set's you off. You can't control the initial stimulus, and you can't be your best self while the irritant is present.

What to do?

A—I—A

There are at least two layers to this problem. First, the stimulus itself is a problem. The sensation or interaction is having a disproportionate impact on your ability to practice self-control. You live in a society that values self-control and in a natural world that offers all sorts of organic punishments for losing control.

Let me share some examples.

• While driving a car, bright sunlight flashes off keys or a water bottle.
• Still driving, you realize that a bee, moth, or fly is in the car with you.
• While waiting for an interview, you smell something that makes you crazy.
• At a theater, you can't shut out the ticking sound of the projector.
• While taking an important entry exam, the flickering fluorescents interfere with your concentration.

Second, your reaction to the stimulus is a problem. You can't stop thinking about it so the irritation feeds on itself in a crescendo of irritation that leads to a meltdown, shutdown, or blowup. Because you can't manage your response to the irritation you lose composure and lose the chance to perform at your best.

You can deal with both problems, but not without advance planning.

AVOID—As we get older and more autonomous, we have more choices and freedom to plan our life and times. My son is starting college next fall. He has made the decision to request an individual room in one of the dorms. This gives him a lot of interaction with the college community, but also preserves his need for an oasis of controlled environment. You might have a specific irritant that you can avoid. I struggle with bright light, especially diffused light. When I walk into a meeting, restaurant, or library I am very conscious of facing away from the brightest light in the room. I sit with my back to the window if possible and face into a dark space when I can. I wear sunglasses and a brimmed hat when I can. When driving, I sometimes put clip-on lenses over standard sunglasses to get an extra dark function. No matter what the irritant is, if you know it's coming and you can avoid it that's more than half the battle.

IGNORE—It helps to know your options. Is this irritant something you can ignore? If it's a sound, can you put in earplugs, listen to music, introduce white noise or create some appropriate sound yourself? If it's a visual stimuli, do you have the option of covering your eyes, setting up a visual barricade, or changing your direction of view? Ignoring and overriding the irritant is usually the low-cost option. Even smells and textures can be managed with some advance planning.

Most of us know our triggers, so planning strategies and having simple equipment to support ignoring is a viable strategy.

ADJUST—Strangely, the most empowering strategy for us on the spectrum is one we are most hesitant to use. Adjusting the stimulus is often simply a matter of taking the initiative to close the blinds, turn down the volume, request a different table, or ask someone to stop a behavior. The problem is that people with Asperger's have a double bind when it comes to adjusting stimuli. We don't have great intuition and social skills—especially for asking others to change their behavior. We hesitate to "impose" our preferences or "intrude" on someone else's situation. That's one reason why it's important to learn how to make requests using "I" statements. It is much more socially acceptable to say, "I can't concentrate with that music playing, could you turn it off please?" than to say, "Turn that down!" I've found that most of the time the irritating condition is not anyone's priority, it's just a status quo or mild preference.

When you have Asperger's, the world is a multiple-bogey environment filled with potential and actual irritants. How you preempt or adjust to the crazy-making stimuli can be the difference between performing at your best or losing composure and opportunities.

If you are or are raising an Aspie, teach yourself or your child to remember A—I—A

Square Pegs

I got expelled from seminary.

To be accurate, I was gently encouraged to leave.
I didn't do anything wrong; and neither did the seminary.

I had already been teaching for awhile, but there was a splinter in my brain (that sounded a lot like my mother :-) insisting that I should be a pastor.
After a year of study, several theology classes and a mind-numbing sojourn into Koine Greek, I sat down with my advisor. He talked me through a set of interest inventories I had completed. He asked me pointed questions about my heart for different aspects of ministry.

Near the end of our conversation, he said, "Peter—you should not be a pastor. God has made you a teacher. Go and teach well."

I have learned a lot since that conversation in 1991. Mostly I have learned to retroactively appreciate the gracious release from a dream that wasn't really mine. I've learned that I was built to lead through challenging, questioning, explaining and inspiring. Those could have been good pastor-teacher qualities, but I lacked the nurturing, comforting, and caring impulses that make the best pastors minister effectively.

A lot of our students need someone to pull the college splinter from their brain.
A lot of our students need to be told graciously and lovingly that "college is a round hole and you are a beautiful trapezoid. Go be a chef, a designer, a builder, a painter. Harvest lumber, care for children, build a life with your hands and your heart. Let the people who live in their heads thrive at college. You go and live in the world of people and things."

A new report from Harvard University backs me up.
Let's expel students from the falsely universal expectations of college and some high school programs as well.
Let's release them to a different kind of greatness.

Eat like an Aspie

As a child, there were some foods I could not eat. I wasn't stubborn. In fact, I was fairly adventurous, but some foods were inedible because of texture or taste quirks. For example, I remember cheese being very hard to eat, especially the overly smooth texture of processed cheese. (I still consider Velveeta, Spam, and Miracle Whip the unholy trinity of food-like products.)

Anyway, if you are raising an Aspie like me, you might appreciate some practical tips from the Happy Housewife. Although not directed towards those who manage spectravores, it does have some smart and specific tips for making it through the food wars.

Check out The Happy Housewife’s Guide to Dealing with Picky Eaters: